So, I have a story that is ongoing but in chapter form and I want to post it for you lovely peoples to critique; as those on the forum I have posted it don't seem to want to comment, let alone look.

I've had a look at a few websites, but I though I'd as what sites people prefer to use/browse especially for multi-chapter stories (I'm up to the ninth chapter at present). I am far from finished with the full story, but getting some c&c is starting to be necessary to the outcome and style. If anything it's probably a little late, but better late than never.

Oh, for those interested; the story has a paranormal bent, the protagonist Jayce develops the ability to project himself into other people's minds after being shot in the head. He then explores the possibilities afforded him with friends, workmates, even his somewhat sadistic boss with trouble following close behind.

I’d hold you tightly against my chest. I’d grab your face, half of my hand on your cheek and the other half on your neck. I’d pull you in gently but strongly towards my lips. I’d kiss you. Forever I’d kiss you. I’d kiss your neck and cheek. I’d pull you up and have you wrap your legs around my waist. I’d start letting my hands wander. Nothing vulgar, everything on top of your clothing. I’d continue to kiss you as I slip my fingers through the hairs on your head. My arm would be under your voluptuous rear as I carry you in midair with your legs still squeezing my waist.

As the sun continues its path downward and the day turns into a cool night, I’d throw you onto the bed. You’d playfully smile at me as the moonlight reflects your eyes, and I’d take off my shirt. I’d remove your top first, leaving your bra on for the time being. As I climb on top of you, kissing your face, lips, neck, shoulders and chest you’d start to slip off your pants. This would get both of our hearts racing and we’d stop for a small second, laughing in disbelief of what’s about to happen. Read more »

Suddenly, she became aware of an aching sensation through her body. She felt her love mound throbbing gently and became aware of a slightly cool feeling between her legs. She felt an overwhelming wave of pleasure in her nipples as she realised someone was sucking on them! Her skirt had been pushed up to the top of her thighs, exposing her silky stockings and suspenders. Someone was pushing thick fingers inside her. They were pushing them into her slowly but so deeply and she felt her love tunnel tightening and dripping wet through. He realised she was awake and covered her mouth with his other hand. But this only served to silence her moans.

Matthias liked having Naomi over. It only happened around once a month – they both lived busy lives – but it was always worthwhile.

He wasn’t sure exactly what it was, but there was something special about her. Naomi was reasonably short, black, with beautiful eyes and a slim, toned body. She didn’t have much of an ass to speak of, but she has gorgeous B-cup boobs with perky nipples and soft skin. He had never asked how old she was (or if Naomi was even her real name) but he imagined she was around 22.

One of the reasons Matthias liked Naomi was she absolutely rocked his world in bed. She knew all the tricks and her pussy was tight and wet.

But there was another reason he liked having her over, and why she was the only girl he let stay overnight.

It was a Sunday, around 8 in the morning, and Matthias was in no rush to wake up. In fact, when he first stirred, he was tempted to close his eyes and head back to sleep. But he then realised why he had awoken. Read more »

For two years you waited through prison to have me. You wanted me, my face, my body, these tits, these legs while you languished in a cell with only my photographs and the shower room to give you any relief. You wanted me so badly you had me be the first to visit you when you got out. Not your overweight fiancee with the low self esteem and the affinity for zen healing. No, you wanted the bad girl. The bad girl in six inch whore heels who you talked filthy to, the one with the size six figure and double D breasts who you could pick up and fuck against the wall with her legs wrapped around your ass. Not the fat girl with the elastic waistbands and the sensible sneakers who sat around waiting to marry you because she couldn't get any other man to date her. And we sure humiliated the shit out of her. Read more »

Chrissy was filled with bubbling nervousness which she hid behind a professional exterior. She looked the part for her job interview this morning, albeit a tiny bit too sexy, and so far the tall, serious man interviewing her seemed like he wanted to hire her.

She was surprised that the ad for this secretary job had such an emphasis on the desired personality type of the applicants, but she wrote it off as a precaution against ornery old secretaries, which can be bad for business. Chrissy matched everything: "Upbeat, cooperative, happy, very willing, people-person". As a bonus Chrissy could type several hundred words per minute and had the kind of voice that could draw people in and convince them to trust her over the phone.

She was the perfect secretary by normal standards, but she didn't know that she was also currently passing a more unconventional set of standards.

Chrissy began to suspect that something was amiss when she caught the brown haired, handsome interviewer glance at her breasts, and she suddenly became aware that he could only be a couple years older than her at most. With a disinterested expression, he asked if she remembered that they had a modern and professional uniform they required all their secretaries to wear, and when she said that she did he curtly prompted her to give her measurements. Read more »

M/F

Upon returning to our table, my fantasies were flowing like water. Tiffany hadn’t a clue. I noticed a small white ribbon wrapped around some candle décor on the table.

“Place both your hands under the middle of the table, palms facing towards each other, wrists tightly together,” I instructed her instinctively.

She did so immediately, without a look of hesitation in her eye. Was this the wine acting up or was she genuinely becoming more comfortable around me? Perhaps more aroused?

As she watched, I casually undid the ribbon around the candle base and brought it under the table, feeling forward until my hands met hers. Looking into her eyes as she gazed back, I gently tied the ribbon around her delicate wrists, binding them together.

“Move yourself closer to me. Move your chair inward,” I told her, satisfied with my work.

Tiffany complied. We were now only a short distance apart from each other, as this was a small table. It was then that I noticed her following orders immediately and without question, without even so much as saying anything. She was in a completely submissive mindset, which I fed directly off of. Read more »

You have such a wicked imagination, maybe I haven't told you. The pictures arrive in my email with an address and a time, no words, those would be pointless. Instead you off me just a single picture of a door left slightly ajar, and a pair of black lace panties laid out in the entryway like a dark promise. I investigate further of course, I scour your profile and wonder about the sensual shots of your body that is never fully on display.

I wonder what waits for me in that darkness. When the hour finally draws near I can't help but make the journey, can't help but fight the nerves of anticipation and fear. As I come to your door and push it open I find those panties laying there and almost turn away. There are so many ways this could go wrong. One step, another, I slip into your home and let the door gently close. Greeted only by dark mounds of furniture and the distant outline of the kitchen I take a few more steps inside, ready to flee.

That's when I hear your voice. Read more »

As you walk into my office, I'm sitting at my desk. I motion for you to come over. I wait for you to come around to my side of the desk. "Do you know why I asked you stay late?" And without waiting for your response I wrap my arms around you and move in for a kiss, deeply kissing you. My body moves you closer to my desk with your ass just resting at the edge, I move my hands down your dress to rest on your succulent breasts. Massaging them rolling them into each other, I push open your top to reveal your glorious tits, I move my mouth to your exposed nipples, sucking them into my mouth and biting on them. Using my tongue to flick them in my mouth, I push you up on my desk spreading your legs open to reveal your sexy slit. Now that your in a good position, I move down to view your prize. I'm happy you forgot to wear your panties today, I bury my face in your forbidden temple, I suck your clit into my mouth, licking under the hood I use one hand rub the region above my mouth pulling it out of my mouth and sucking it back in. After I see you moaning with delight I take my pants off and bury my shaft inside you. Pulling your legs together and resting them around my shoulder, I continue to plunge inside of you, long deep strokes, innnnn ouuuuuut. I pull out suddenly and watch you let out a slight whimper as you want me back inside you. I roll you over and spread your legs apart, plunging myself deep inside you, I can feel your warm pussy wrapped around my throbbing cock, I grab a handful of your hair and pull you back. Deep hard thrusts I slap your ass, and continue to push inside you, with a free hand I start to run it down the crack of your ass and rest my thumb on your asshole, circling around it I begin to push inside when I start to feel my lad about to give way. I pull out and rotate you around, looking down at your amazing body I can't control it any longer and shoot my load all over your stomach, with tiny droplets falling on your dress. With both of us sweating and breathing heavily I pull my pants back up and say with a smile, Miss X you're dismissed for the evening…..