[FM] Stretched and manually diddled for about 3 hours. Sodomy Sunday, Happy Keister!

What the fuck just happened. My cunt hurts.

Day started out pretty simple, shaved QuarterRican’s asshole for her so she could go on a date later, gave her a quick BJ/HJ 101 on a dildo, maybe did a snuffleupagus impression in her lady folds, sent her on her way. She and I are what happens when cisgender men wake up with vaginas one day, in case you’ve ever wondered. Decided somewhere in there I should randomly throw Adderall in my system, after she left I resigned to spending the day riding my knock off sybian and playing with myself various ways. I like days like today- everything is closed, everybody is doing things with their families, no work, no responsibility, no social obligations. Diddle myself all god damn day, days. Lightbulb, ever since Napsturbate I’ve wanted to continue the make-out assist while I ride my fuck machine- Tinder to the rescue, am I right? Everybody wants to watch a woman ride one in real life, and I’m the slutty Make-A-Wish Foundation. Swipe, swipe, swipe. Yesterday a cute dude my age hits me up send me his Sybian Star Trek fan fiction and I am over the moon he’s messaging me today too. *Note to self: he used the term fan fiction, find out what his fandom is and how deep the nerdy goes. Nerds are my jam, baby. Pro-tip: how someone talks to you online or in person, is pretty much how you can expect them to fuck you. Tone is as important as content. He’s funny, that’s the best sign. Funny dudes are better in bed- I cannot express this enough. How many times have I said this and it’s been true? Nearly every god damn time. I tell him I’m spending the day with bae (torn on naming the fuck machine Saddam Pussein, or Muammar Get-off-e… either way, needs a mustache,) in bed. He asks if I’d allow an audience, DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER! Of course, but you have to make-out with me; nobody get’s a free show. Throw him my phone number, he texts me, I send him my address. Now I need to hustle and clean up my house because he’s on the way right meow. Our online interaction was very, very brief but I had only considered we’d suck face while I had a big ol’ orgasm on my adult choo choo.

The Delilah Experiments, part 1: The Window [MF]

Two in a day!
Delilah, I think I mentioned, grew up the very definition of a choir girl. That’s how I’d known her in high school, the transfer student from a catholic school who was way too nice to ever associate with a broody musician like me (gag). When we started hooking up, now 27 and reunited, one of the first impressions that I got was that she desperately wanted to push her boundaries. In the almost ten years since, she’d gotten tattoos, dyed her hair purple, moved to the city, and had a longer list of partners than I did. Yet none of them knew how to crack that shell. Apparently I did.

I’ll be documenting all of the kinks and quirks we got into over the next few weeks. Hope you enjoy.

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It started out simple enough. A week of not seeing her had led from us texting nearly every hour to an escalation of topics, and eventually how very, very compatible we are in bed came up. I told her at some point about my writing these stories, and she seemed interested, so I would write her little samples, just solo thoughts really. A little detail, just enough to fill in the blanks and round off the edges, and it would drive us both into a frenzy.

[FM] I (31F) pegged a beautiful young Airman (20M) after we took turns on my sybian

Napsturbate

God bless the motherfucking Air Force. I’d been killing my entire day off alternating between riding my knock-off Sybian and napping- a 20 year old Airman on Tinder hits me up and wants to spend some quality time with me. I told him I was busy napping. He asks to join, and I clarify I’m actually interested in said napping activity- after 30, those naps become increasingly valuable. I’m not saying I wouldn’t cum on his face when I woke up, but god damn it I was exhausted after another successful ride and I need a power-nap to go round 4, 5, 82- whatever. He says that’s fine, he’d like to nap with me. Yeah yeah, I know how this goes- you’re gonna crawl into my bed and those wandering hands are just going to oops their way into my naughty bits. I’ve already prepared my litany of No’s leading to the inevitable GTFO. Whatever, come test my patience adorable baby-faced man. Now that I’ve lost 50lbs I might just fuckin’ eat you– I’m hangry. The drive from base to my house is a solid 30 minutes so I dozed back off by the time I hear the knock on my door.

[MF] We were supposed to be cooking but we ended up fucking…

We were supposed to be cooking dinner. My wife and I just spent a nice long day out shopping and having fun. It was the end of a weekend together that we almost never get anymore. Weekends like this meant a lot to us but it especially meant one thing: we were going to fuck. A lot. We don’t really fuck much during the week since she works 3rd shift and is asleep for most of the day. After barely seeing each other during the week, the weekends were our time for sex. On Saturday night, we tried to have sex after going out to the bar but I had some “technical difficulties” (damn alcohol) so it was a no go. This was the last chance of the weekend.

[FFM] 4/7/2017, A morning full of hot sex, big toys, gapping and squirting! It doesn’t get much better than this.

I had some very unexpected morning fun.  I had an OBGYN appointment this morning at 9 a.m. (4/7/2017).  I had asked my friend Madison if she could watch the kids while I was at my appointment, my husband had to work early. 

When I returned from my appointment, the kids were still sleeping and to my surprise my husband showed up to the house a few minutes after I did.  He found Madison an I chatting in the kitchen.  He greeted me with a hug and a kiss and asked about the kids.  I told him they were all sleeping.  He asked about my appointment.  To which I replied, “standard boring pap bull.”  To that he asked, “you need me to show some love and attention to your lady parts or are you sore?”  Madison interjected, “I can help.”  A good little whore like me couldn’t pass that offer up, so I grabbed his left hand and her right hand then dragged them to the master suite.

My husband quickly undressed me and kissed me.  He laid me on the bed as he continued to kiss me.  Madison, familiar with our set up, pulled a couple massagers out of our special drawer.  My husband then rolled us over.  He was then lying on the bed with me sitting ontop of him.  We continued kissing.