I’ve grown up in a muslim household. So sexuality is seen as super taboo and I feel a lot of shame around it. My parents used to shame me for not wearing a scarf. And also shame me for even the outline of my boobs being visible through my clothes! They dont do this anymore as they saw it did nothing. But despite ‘rebelling’ in these small ways, anything actually sexual used to make me feel ashamed. Hell even wearing tight jeans and feeling eyes on me made me feel uncomfortable.
Despite all this I’d secretly be sexual in private alone. I couldn’t help it. I was so horny all the time and thought that I was broken ..i’d masturbate with anything and everything I could get my hands on. Seriously. Put me in any room and I will find multiple things i can use to masturbate. I used to play a game where id scan the room with ‘fucking vision’. Id seek out things to suck, or fuck, or rub against. Or to get pleasure in some other way from. Most bizarre included a fidget spinner. I worried that I have a masturbation addiction. That I’m too obsessed and something must be wrong with me.