So, I know what you’re expecting. At least, I think I do. You figure that now, after my uh… conversation… with Avery, that everything just fell into place and I started fucking every guy on the football team. Looking back, I wish I could say that that’s how things went, but it wouldn’t be true if I did, and there’s no point in lying to you. You’re here to listen to my story as it happened, not some kind of made-up fantasy.
The truth is that, despite the fact that, in the moment, I was entirely into what I was doing, by the time I was driving home I was in a kind of crisis of identity. I was raised Catholic, which is by no means the most hardcore of the Christian faiths, and tends to take a more moderate (all things considered) approach to the modern world. The pope has even said that homosexuality isn’t exactly an abomination, and that everyone should be loved and not scorned. That said, being gay still wasn’t all that popular of an idea in the church, and certainly not in my house. At best, my parents (well really my mom, I don’t think my dad actually cared) felt sorry for “the gays”, pitied them, as though they were sick and just needed help (and Jesus) to get better. I myself never really subscribed to that way of thinking, but also knew that I, myself, was not gay, didn’t want to be gay, couldn’t think of myself as gay. It was fine for other people, but not me.