“Do you have any neckties here?” I asked him.

His nostrils flared with impotent rage. “Yes I do,” he answered. “But they all cost more than everything which you are wearing on your person right now.”

I took offense and steadied my aim with his gun at his torso. “My fee?”

Brent nodded in the direction of the bathroom. I held the weapon steadily as I backed into the water closet. There on the counter of the vanity I saw an envelope. I put it in my pocket without counting the contents. Within the confines of this hotel that is the etiquette to this day.

With money in my pocket, I had a new swagger. I asked him cockily, “So, your girl is up for grabs but you can’t wrinkle a silk tie?”

I looked at Melanie. She kicked her legs from beneath her buttocks. Her toes touched the floor as would a ballerina’s. The lady restrained a mischievous smile at my observation.

With an annoyed tone I asked, “Brent, what restraints do you have?”

“I, uhh, we… I have hand cuffs and duct tape,” he answered. Read more »

Damn, I want to know what her tits taste like. I’m guessing marshmallows, I thought. She looked at me blankly as I surveyed her body. I was perving at the front desk in the middle of my night shift.
She was ultra girly. Her hands moved subtly. Her frail frame did not betray her martial arts training. Her body was not flattered by the hotel uniform. I wished that I had X-ray vision. “Aren’t you supposed to be stocking linens?” she asked me without emotion.
“I finished already. Those bitches in the back keep trying me. But I keep disappointing them.” I answered.
She pretended to type on her computer when I asked her again, “So, I have a couple of XO’s. When are you gonna come over and play?”
She restrained a smile and said, “I am married.”
I scoffed, “Everybody knows what you did at the staff party. Your ‘husband’ was nowhere in sight.”
She grinned egregiously and said, “Today is a new day.” She tore off a piece of paper from the desk counter and wrote her KIK user name on it. She slid it towards me and said, “Here comes your boss, dummy. I’m surprised that she hasn’t fired you yet.”
I cleared my throat and answered, “I don’t give a fuck.” I had stocked all of the linens. Every amenity ordered by the guests at the hotel had been received with a smile. To add compliment to my untouchable skill, I had fifty dollars of tips in my pockets. The only thing that this bitch has on me is that I am flirting with Stephanie, ran through my head as I turned to face my nemesis.
Miss Vyce fumed angrily. I took a pouch of dip from a tin and placed it between my gums and my lip. “I need to see you in my office right now!” she exclaimed.
I said, “I have fifty dollars in tips and none of the bills are marked. They’re clean.”
Ms. Vyce laughed loudly and she looked at Stephanie. She looked back at me and said, “You just confessed! That’s not what I need to talk to you about. I got you!” She keyed her mic and said, “Vyce to Roscoe. Come in Roscoe.”
A voice answered, “Vyce, this is Roscoe. Over.”
She glowered at me as she responded, “I have a suspicious person in custody who has marked bills in his pocket. A thief! Over.”
“Ms. Vyce, there are no marked bills on site at the moment. Is the S.P.I.C. the night houseman? The same houseman from every other time that you called loss prevention?”
My boss angrily replied, “No!”
Stephanie giggled and slid a piece of paper in my direction. I slipped her KiK number into my pocket before Ms. Vyce pulled me through the lobby as though I were her two year old one night stand’s mistake. Note to self, I thought, always wear condoms. I hate kids. Even more I hate being treated like one.
She walked me through the laundry room and Into her office. I could feel their eyes, but this has happened 18 times before. Number 19 will be documented in the Better Business Bureau portfolio that I have been putting together.
She sat at her desk and said, “Close the door.”
I complied and sat down.
She took a deep breath and looked at the contents littering her desk. She spoke, “We have a guest of this hotel who refuses to stay here anymore. Can you guess why?”
“I don’t care.” I admitted.
Ms. Vyce continued, “Because you work here.”
I scoffed before I debated her, “I do everything that you bitches ask me to do with a nod and a smile. And I do it better than everybody else. So if some guest wants to drop me in the porcelain and flush me because I took too long to deliver a towel on some random night…flush away. I fucking hate this job.”
She took another deep breath and said, “You will be taking a three day vacation from being the night houseman as a result.”
Again I laughed, “No. I will not. If you tell me to leave this place, then you will never see me again.”
She wrote on a piece of paper. She pushed it toward me. On it was a name of our rival hotel and a guest whom I remembered. She slid the paper back to her side of the desk and spoke, “We have a strict policy at this establishment. No employees are to be here off of the clock. This guest has demanded that you watch his puppy while he is here in our fine city of Deerplain.”
My adrenaline waned as I tried to sort through my memories.
Ms. Vyce maintained her explanation, “Our former guest will hire a temp at his expense to fill in for you. You will find him at the hotel that you have been made aware of. Please report there after work.”
I. My. Uhm. Brain? Uhm. I didn’t remember that this guest had a puppy. I remembered that he had tangential desires.
“Okay,” I answered.
I took the service elevator and I checked through the room attendants’ service closets. I Kiked Stephanie. She Kiked back – I DON’T TALK TO CRIMINALS, SPIC. With a cry laughing emojie.
I thought, I can’t win.