[F] My first bf turned me into a cuckQueen for him

I am a pretty average looking girl , like guys in the past have called me forgettable or good for practice.. but like I never was the girl guys would chase or really want , I was just there, so I never had a boyfriend really or dated most of my meetings would just end in some type of quick sex and the guys leaving and not showing any interest after .
Which I kinda always expected, but I had hope of having a guy catch feelings for me and finally date someone …

And back in college, I had a few friend that were in similar situations. Like we were so jealous of the hot girls at college and always wanted to be them or to have a chance to be with the hot guys that we crush on.

Until one of my friends ended up dating a guy way hotter than her … and like she gave us some advice on how she did it. Saying that we should kinda let him do whatever he wants , and always text or call him and try and get him to meet you again and again and again until you can ask him out and he would kinda say yes because the sex is good and he can do what he wants so he doesn’t want loose that even tho he could get a much hotter girl .

And it kinda sounded like we had to sell our dignity and be desperate and easy to land a guy way out of our leagues .

Which I wasn’t a fan of , but I did try it sometimes and it just made me look like a horny desperate girl to those guys and nothing more …

Until a new guy moved to our college , and he was extremely hot. Like levels above my league. And I felt it was my opportunity to befriend him early before he gets more comfortable with others . Which ended up working .. we went from being good friends, to hooking up , to having sex, to kinda letting him use me how he wanted even tho I wasn’t a fan of everything to finally dating him.

We dated for a while tbh, but it wasn’t like movie relationship, it kinda felt like it was heavily one sided, like I was putting a lot of work and for him, it was just good for the sex and help I was offering.. but I kinda accepted it because I couldn’t believe I was dating someone that hot . And kinda expected that he was the hot one out of us two. So he kinda was in charge or so… like it was weird

Like I couldn’t say no to him ever because I was too afraid to lose him .

And he realized that, and I guessed he worked into breaking and making me more of a toy than a girl friend . Which at the time , I didn’t see what was happening cause I was just so in love with him , but he was breaking me and making me lose all my self respect and self esteem. It started slowly by him just making me do some submissive things like kiss his feet or beg him or so , to more humiliating stuff like punishing my self for him and denying myself pleasure or so on.
And then when he kinda made me admit I was inferior to him and that he deserves alot better, that’s when he started making me talk about the better girls he deserves and like show him better girls from our college that are better and kinda make him orgasm while thinking of them ..
And it went on, until one day he was like, «  I need to fuck someone better than you » and he told me to try and find a hot girl for a threesome to spice up our sex life even more.

I didn’t like this idea and I didn’t even like showing him other girls or so, I was always jealous and upset at him for doing so, but again I was young and broken that I did what he wanted even tho I was clearly not happy with it.

So anyways, I went on dating apps, and made an account with both our photos. And stating what we were looking for. And I was surprised of how many girls were into that .
And I showed him the girls I found hot and we ended up choosing one. She was very attractive to be honest .

Ive never been in a threesome before this but I was willing to give it a try because I liked him a lot .. but it did not feel like a threesome like in pornos. It felt like I was there to watch them have sex and occasionally participate to suck him or so . That’s about it. They fucked for a while and they were having some intense passionate sex while I didn’t really know what to do other than wait . She didn’t really talk to me or acknowledge me really, they just had sex and so .

Anyway after she left, I kinda told him that I didn’t like that and that I was jealous, but he stated that this was the best sex he had with me involved and said something along the line that I was a beta woman and that we should do it again.
And it kinda became a regular thing of him trying new women and I hated it happening specially in front of me … like I felt broken and weak and jealous but I guess he conditioned me to accept it if I wanted to stay with him.

Anyway usually those girls wouldn’t really acknowledge me much and would just talk to him most of the time. Until one of the girls, kinda started talking down to me during the threesome and kinda giving me orders as if I was some type of slave. And he would tell me to do it. Like I felt more involved in the threesome but for the wrong reasons, I was getting humiliated and serving a girl that was way hotter than me and that my bf was fucking instead of me . And she made me masturbate while watching them until I came and i never felt more embarrassed or humiliated than then.

And he enjoyed it so much that this girl was coming weekly or so … it really felt like I was just being the girlfriend that did a ton of work just so that girl come home and take it all just because she is hot and she knew it.

And it kinda started being a thing, that even sometimes she would come home to fuck him and I wouldn’t even be in the room, or I would be making dinner or so ..

And it wasn’t only her after a while, it was other girls that he would hook up with and just bring home to fuck or sleep with or so. He was my boyfriend and all in the morning but at night he would just bring another girl home cause he believed he deserved better than me and he also made me admit it so I felt defeated and just didn’t say much when it happened ..

I would just see hot girls getting in and out the bedroom. And I wouldn’t get sex anymore …. But I would see and hear it happen and I would end up getting turned on I don’t know why .. but I felt like even my body would betray me getting wet to it and I end up masturbating and then feeling a ton of shame ..

I wouldn’t get involved much because girls would just prefer a one on one and just laugh when he tells them I was his beta or cuck gf. And then ignore me. But there was a few girls that enjoyed talking down to me and involving me and just embarrassing me and dominating me in front of my ex.

And I believe that even now, after 2 years, the year I spent with him still have impact on me and my body . I feel like my body is conditioned to react when someone is being rude or dominating me and even when I feel cucked. Like I’ve had more men treat me that way or similar way and I never knew why? Like if I’m giving them signals? Or do men just decided it depending on looks or how would they know?

Also this is me just sharing my story because I’m bored, not really trying to look for pity or niceness :)

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/tw50jy/f_my_first_bf_turned_me_into_a_cuckqueen_for_him