I was dorky as a teen, not knowing how to dress my awkward, gangling long limbs and thinking that the acne on my face was ‘no big deal.’ I wasn’t a pretty sight, and my ill-fitting clothes and pizza-face and granny glasses helped none. I cringe thinking back to the girl I was then, thankful that I’ve figured things out.
But an adolescence full of guys scoffing when I came near, making fun of me when I talked, and just generally being assholes has left its scars on my confidence. Now that I’m a little older and fitter and hotter, my gut reaction whenever a guy makes a move is to shoot him down, since he’s obviously making fun of me. I do it immediately, automatically, a defense mechanism against rejection, no matter how cute and sincere he is.
I’m trying to stop doing that. Yet old habits are hard to break.
I need a confidence boost, and I think I’ve found one, even though when I think through what I’m planning, I freak out and panic and second-guess myself.