Dear gentlemen, or as today’s custom suggests I refer to you, dear fellow penised humans. I’m going to tell you the one key trick to turning a good date into (hopefully) good sex. You’ve no doubt heard the same claim before. It’s not having “big dick energy,” or being able to do magic tricks to seal the deal, or flashing cash, or, Azathoth forbid, negging. There’s no magic code or ritual involved, but you will have to put in some effort into this one critical thing and maintain it. Are you ready to know what it is? Having a clean home.
No, seriously, that’s it. You will not believe the smile on your partner’s face when you bring them into a tidy, organized, well-maintained apartment or house, especially if it’s spur of the moment, and they realize that yes, it really is always like this. In fact, once upon a time, a woman who didn’t want a date to end followed me home (by my consent, I did not try to lose her by driving randomly through roundabouts to lose her, don’t worry), she almost immediately remarked how nice and clean it was, pushed me down on my couch, threw off her shirt and bra, and proceeded to pull down my pants to orally pleasure me for an hour.