We grew up religious, and married as virgins. I adored her. She adored being adored. Still, we were incompatible, sexually and otherwise. She wanted a man who was alpha in the streets and tender loving in the sheets. Both the breadwinner and the floor sweeper (she was too much of a feminist to do housekeeping). I was the exact opposite. A shy nerd with academic dreams who got his ideas about sex from too much, too rough, porn.
Immature, entitled me thought that married life would at the very least start with a year long orgy of an all-you-can-eat, everything-you-want sex buffet, but all we managed were appetizers. I kept pushing for doing the things I saw in porn – spanking, oral, anal; but she was revolted and humiliated by the notion. Our sex life diminished.
Anal, specifically, became a big issue. I was obsessed with it, and felt she was giving me mixed messages about it – cooperating with some play, then angrily declining entry. She also agreed to try it twice, but we couldn’t get it in. So I kept trying and it became fodder for subsequent fights and justification for our disappearing sex life.