I never believed in romance and love, I thought they were overrated. Commercialized as everything else, forced in a capitalist society just to please everyone else rather than ourselves. That’s why I always hit it off with a girl from the club or a bar. Just casual sex, no strings attached. Love was not really my thing. I couldn’t feel it and I can’t feel it now either.
When covid came I had to change my methods. The clubs were closed, bars were empty and i was left without sex for more than a year. Things were not getting any better, tinder isn’t even so appealing to people anymore. They were afraid that they might catch the disease if they met with another person. So I just hit it off alone. But porn isn’t enough. Porn has no emotion, it just feeds my emotions when blood rushes to my dick. Everyone was online but this meant more trust issues than ever.
I tried camsites. Just the typical ones. Trying to see if all the desperate people in the comments ever get a real reply from the girls or if it’s just the girls typing to an empty screen. Tipped some of them even, took some of them to private mode. If you’ve ever used these websites before then you know what I mean. I tried to satisfy what felt like an endless urge to have sex and release the hormones that i was trapped in. But even this way it just felt emotionless, and it enhanced my initial thought of the capitalist society even more. At times I couldn’t even cum. No matter how much I forced it, I just couldn’t reach an orgasm.
Until one day I saw an ad of one of the premium sites with cam girls. The ones that you have to pay before you do anything. The ones that brought the most disgust to me but at the same time because the situation I was in intrigued me into thinking that there might be something more premium in there. The idea of something more exclusive and unique, the idea that I was going to pay before watching anything and the fact that it was not available to everyone, I don’t know why but it just made me curious. Maybe I was just extremely horny. But I had nothing to lose at that point. I was working when I saw the ad, so I just registered and thought I was going to look at it later. Soon enough I received an email, then a notification, then a message. Everything that I was expecting to happen was happening step after step, one after the other. I forgot about it and went back to working.
At night I opened the website and started searching through the girls, just looking at anyone that could potentially satisfy me. I did pay for the damn service so why not make my money worth it.
I obviously can’t mention the site or the girl here, but let’s call her Lisa. I was scrolling through all of the girls just trying to find one that would inspire my horniness, and then I saw a photo of her. Brunette, 22, looking for a good time, Lisa. Typical, I thought. I sent her a message:
“Hey Lisa”, I said. “So are you having a good time?”
“Hey handsome”, she said. “I am having a good time now. What are you up to?”
“Not much. Just chilling. Would love to have someone chilling with me”
“Are you horny hun?” she said? “Call me with your camera on and i can satisfy any of your fantasies”
Ha I thought. It was the typical reply that I was getting from every other girl, on every other website which pissed me off. I don’t know why, but it just made me angry. Was this the premium service they were offering? I know that it’s only her job and I am only here looking for whatever everyone else is looking for but I still could not forget about it. It could be that she was good looking as well and I just couldn’t understand why she needed this job in the first place. My emotions at this point switched from horny to angry to disappointed for so many different reasons. So i replied:
“Listen Lisa, if that is even your real name. I understand that you are only doing your job here and you are not really looking for a good time but don’t use the typical BS you tell everyone else with me. I am here for a good time but don’t treat me like a robot. I have been to other sites like every other man on this website and I don’t think anyone likes hearing the same pitch every time. So be a little more creative next time. Besides, have you ever seen a robot having sex?”
To which the reply was nothing…so I chatted with another girl, joined her on a webcam and masturbated my anger to sleep.
To my surprise, two days later I got a reply from Lisa. In she mentioned that she would like to talk to me via camera. Heh, I thought, this must be the first time anybody has spoken to her this way. She probably wants to swear at me and show me that she is an independent woman doing everything she loves blah blah blah. So i said “sure. Let me get off work and i will message you”
And there I was, laying on the couch after work, thinking that I was going to pay for a premium cam site because I insulted one of their girls just to have her scream and swear at me. I did insult her which she did not deserve so i messaged her first and made it sound as pathetic as ever “Ready when you are”
She called me and we both had our cameras on. But we didn’t speak for the first 10 seconds, we just looked at each other, awkwardly, thinking what one earth are we both doing right now? So I just spit out “Are we about to argue on a cam site? Can’t we just do it for free? I’ll give you my number” and we both burst out laughing. It made the awkwardness disappear and the conversation took a whole new turn. We talked for two straight hours which cost me a fortune of course but it was the first time i was in a cam site, talking to a girl about anything else but sex. It was the first time I felt just a little something inside. Like excitement. Could because she was really pretty and it was a cam site, which made me believe that no one had ever done this before. She explained to me why she was doing everything that she was doing, how she was making all these money from her being on camera and from all the videos she uploaded, along with her studies at university, her dreams and her family who were in another city 3 hours away and I just could not have enough of it. She even told me that with every new video she uploaded on the site she got a crazy amount of money.
Next day I got a message from her. She sent me her number and I just could not wait to get off work to call her. I started not recognizing myself. I called her in the afternoon and we talked for hours. She wasn’t even online on the site anymore. I was starting to catch emotions for the first time from a place I would have never imagined.
Same thing happened day after day until one day I said “it must be hard being a cam girl” as a joke. And she replied “Well if you come over i can show you how hard it really is!” It was the only time I felt something deep inside. It was very strange to me at first but it just felt nice. Two days later I was at her apartment which was ironically 2 blocks away from my house. Ha I thought to myself, I really did meet a girl near me.
I had the best sex I ever had in my entire life. We would go on and on all night, trying one sex position after the other, filled with emotions, laughter and love. She could make my dick work in ways that I didn’t think were even possible. I could lift her in my arms fuck her standing up, next minute she is bending over on the bed, then we are on the floor with her riding my dick and pushing it deep inside of her. We would bang on the kitchen table, on the sofas on the balcony on the rooftop on the stairs, in the bathroom, in the elevator, we had sex in every single place possible and in every different angle that was ever invented. I was having the best time of my life and my feelings were for once lit up as a fire.
She wanted to leave the industry and work on another thing just to make some money. She didn’t really like the idea of what she was doing. But she had to go back to her family so that she could save up on rent and she was going to do this over the weekend. I was getting more and more excited with everything I heard coming out from her mouth. It looked like I just might have found the person I want to be with for the rest of my life.
Over the weekend, I was laying on the couch watching a movie when I got a notification on my phone from the website where I had met her. It was from another girl, repeating the same pitch that I once heard. Brunette, 20, looking for a good time, Suzie. Same thing all over again. I thought I should deactivate my account. But right next to the settings button, the notifications bell was lit up with 6 different notifications from my favorite girl Lisa. 6 new videos were uploaded on the site from Lisa, all starring me but not showing my face. And my feelings went numb again. I just could not feel anything but pain. It took me a few days before I was finally able to calm my emotions and think everything clearly. I knew what I had to do to go through this. I had not spoken to Lisa from the day she supposedly went back to her family’s house. So I just picked up the phone and typed
“Hey Suzie”, “So are you having a good time?”