I know I shouldn’t be writing such drivel, the grandmother that I am. And worse, I know I shouldn’t be having such thoughts and behaving as I have been behaving lately. But I can’t help it. I look at men and I want to spread my legs for them. This is not behavior that is becoming of a 59 year old Chinese grandmother and a mother of two grown men, both successful and with their own families. It also is not becoming behavior for a wife of thirty-some years, whose husband is still in love with her and finds her attractive. Harry loves me and I love him back. But of late, I have had sudden intense urges to take men to my matrimonial bed and have coitus with them, and I don’t know what I can do to stop it.
Harry is well aware of my sudden strange surge in my sexual appetite and is a bit perplexed. We have always fantasized about having an orgy, but up to this point, they have only been fantasies. Now, I look at men with intense eyes of desire and my heart throbs with deep craving to smell their balls and slide their penis inside my vagina. The urge is clearly biological, since my vagina gets very wet, my nipples harden, and my ears become very hot. At such moments, I lose all sense of fear and I stare at the men fixedly and even wink at them. Most of the time, nothing comes out of it and the man looks at me with a confused, blank stare, or has a look of alarm flash in his eyes. A few times, however, especially when the man is young, in his early twenties, my blunt overture gets a positive response and the man smiles back and sometimes even engages me in a conversation. At such times, if Harry is beside me, he would gently extricate me from the interaction, but there were a couple of times when I was by myself and I had to focus hard on getting away before it was too late and I had crossed the point of no return.
My Obgyn says that for about 12% of women going through menopause, such behavior is normal. A hormonal imbalance creates an intense, excessive and persistent craving for the woman to want to copulate, she assured me. In my case, I pointed out to my doctor, I have been out of menopause for years, so it is unlikely that the explanation is correct. But the doctor insists that it must be related to a hormonal imbalance and that I had nothing to worry about.
And so, I have been masturbating a lot. Harry has subscribed me to Playgirl Magazine, where pictures of handsome men with large, dangling penises grace the pages of the magazine. That and he has been buying me pornographic DVDs especially produced for women’s enjoyment. And, of course, we are having coitus more frequently than before, at least once a day, and several times over the weekend and holidays. Harry is doing all he can, to be sure, and seems to be enjoying the upsurge in our sexual life, but I can see that it is exhausting him a bit. And so, I have started collecting dildos and other toys, including a “Fuck machine” that I have been using several times a day, and that has helped. The machine is good and I must say very useful in ensuring that I have my three or four daily orgasms that seem to be necessary nowadays for me to function, but it is not a perfect substitute for a real man’s penis — that is for sure.
My girlfriends are as perplexed and intrigued as Harry. Their sexual appetite has waned dramatically the last few years, and none of them comes even near the level of sexual activity that Harry and I are able to sustain on a daily basis. They are also concerned that I may engage in sexual activity with their husbands and so are interacting with us less and less. The husbands on their part seem to be amused but a bit scared as well. They can see the constant hunger in my eyes (I am simply unable to hide it) and are turned on by it. But they are scared and don’t know what to do. (Several of my girlfriends tell me that the husbands are having more sex with them as a result and a couple of them mentioned that their husbands have taken to masturbating while talking about me and my appetite for men.)
Harry and I are taking things one day at a time. We are probably going to have to find a man and go through the experience of a threesome sooner or later, with the hope that the experience will get it out of our system. But as of now, it has been pornography, masturbation, daily coitus, and a lot of fantasizing.