Ivy tried to pretend that things were normal. That nothing had changed, but after that night with Brian nothing was the same. Well – nothing but how Anna haunted her mind no matter what she did. Saturday came as a blessed relief to the looks she was getting at school now and the rumors that swarmed around her worse than ever. Whether they were rumors that she was gay or rumors that she was a slut depended on the clique and the person telling the story. That awful night was supposed to fix all of these swirling problems in her life, but it only made things worse for her. To top it off she still hadn’t had her period yet, though she probably wouldn’t actually be late until Monday or Tuesday. It was a nightmare, but one she did her best to ignore as she kept her ‘everything is fine’ smile on in front of her family and friends at all times.
She spent as much of the morning in bed as she could but by ten the heat was oppressive and her siblings were getting annoying, so after a little makeup she dug out a swimsuit, got on her bike, and went to the community pool to do a little tanning.
“Where do you think you’re going,” her mom asked when she was about to slip out of the door.
“I’m just going to the pool to cool off mom,” Ivy responded, rolling her eyes before she turned around to face her parent. She could be so nosy sometimes, and nothing really pleased her. If Ivy stayed in her room all day her mother would complain about how antisocial she was being, but if she went out, suddenly she needed to know every last detail.
“Off to meet some boy?” her mother teased, lowering her voice conspiratorially so it was too quiet for her other siblings to hear.
“No mother – of course not. I’m just going to do some laps and then tan until it cools off a bit.” she replied, trying to keep the annoyance out of her voice. She was eighteen now – an adult – but her parents still insisted on treating her like a child.
“Alright…” her mom said, letting the word linger like she didn’t really believe there wasn’t an alternative motive to the whole thing. “Well be back before dinner okay hun? I love you.”
“I love you too mom,” Ivy said, before disappearing out the door.
The sun was already scorching by the time Ivy started riding, and she couldn’t imagine doing anything in this heat that didn’t involve shade or water. If it was going to be hot today, she might as well enjoy it. That Anna worked as a lifeguard at the pool some days had nothing to do with it, she was sure – she probably didn’t even work today, Ivy told herself as she locked up her bike outside.
Even though Brian’s words continued to haunt her, locker rooms were one of the reasons that Ivy knew she wasn’t gay. He could call her a dyke and a lesbian all he wanted, but she’d changed around women her whole life, and she never had the urge to stare. She didn’t linger and check out the other girls either, unless it was to see what a particularly popular girl might be wearing or something. That was totally normal though. The one piece suit that she’d brought with her today was technically modest when she’d bought it last year, but if her mother saw how it fit her now she’d probably give it to goodwill. It was a marble printed one piece in swirling blues and grays that was a little tighter on her than it used to be. It was a lot tighter than it used to be on top and it made her breasts look nicer than any bra she owned, even giving her a tiny bit of cleavage which she secretly loved though she pretended not to notice it when one of her friends pointed it out.
The pool itself was pretty packed, because it turned out everyone else with nothing to do had the same idea about today, so instead of doing much swimming, Ivy found a lounge and basked in the sun. Having to actually do anything in the sun was awful, but laying here being caressed by it for a while wasn’t so bad. As she got settled, she made a quick scan of the place but didn’t see the object of her obsession anywhere, which was fine. It was a long shot anyway. Instead Ivy laid back like she was going to take a nap and put on the pair over oversized sunglasses she’d brought with her. They were her favorite for trips to the pool like this, but not because of the sun.
Her favorite thing to do at the pool was people watch. It was a small town, so she knew most of the people and she loved to watch all the small dramas like it was her favorite netflix series. Who was wearing what suit, and flirting with who. You’d think that with so many of the people dating the same people for so long that those things wouldn’t change – but they did more than you would think. Of course it also gave her the perfect chance to watch the guys check her out. It was the reason she’d come to love this suit so much, because it made them focus on her so much more. She might not actually want much to do with guys, but Ivy loved feeling desired by them, and today, with everything that was going on, she needed that desire more than ever.
There was just something so powerful and sensual about seeing a guy here with his girlfriend staring at her tight young body so much that he had trouble tearing his eyes away from her, or funnier still, getting caught. That happened now and then, and the hardest part of this whole game for Ivy was keeping a straight face when it did. All the attention in the world couldn’t keep her thoughts cheerful forever though. After nearly an hour she rolled over to tan her back. In the darkness of putting her head down all the darkness of the week returned to her, and all the positivity she’d been wearing fell away.
She could deny it to herself all she wanted, but deep down she knew that she’d been raped at that party on Tuesday. She hadn’t gone to the police because she knew she could never prove it, but knowing and proving were very different things. The pain of being ripped open had faded by Friday, and when the worry faded when she finally had her time of the month in the next few days she could finally pretend that the whole thing had never happened. She doubted very much that even that wall of denial would keep the sadness entirely at bay. How could it? It had leaked through all the defenses she’d tried so far including: ‘I might not have wanted it, but I definitely enjoyed it’, ‘at least I know I’m not gay now,’ ‘it was God’s punishment for my sinful thoughts’, and ‘almost no one actually waits until marriage anymore – my husband will understand.’
They were all fine arguments, but none of them took away the way she felt sad or dirty all the time. She was nothing but used goods now. She would have continued into her downward spiral for another twenty minutes at least but something else slowly dawned on her: she was getting wet. It was hardly the first time this week that reliving her rape had arroused her, but it was the first time it had happened while she was wearing a swimsuit, especially one that darkened noticibly when it got wet… Ivy rolled over and sat up, unsurprised but deeply mortified to see a dark spot on her crotch. She hadn’t originally intended to go swimming today, but now she kind of had to. Nonchalantly she folded up her towel on her chair and put her sunglasses on it before walking slowly to the diving board.
Suddenly the game of watching everyone stare at her was a lot less fun. It had been thrilling to watch the boys stare at her tits, or to see other girls look approvingly at her swimsuit choice, but the idea that they might see her like this… a girl with a wet spot that hadn’t gone anywhere near the water in hours… That was truely mortifying. So she walked slowly across the sidewalk and waited in line to use the board like she didn’t have a care in the world even though her body flushed with shame at the warm slick feeling, and that made the already slow line seem like it was taking forever. When she finally got on the board she didn’t try to do anything fancy. She just did a simple forward dive into the water, and then glided down low enough that she could just about touch the bottom as she cut through the water before she came up for air. It was graceful enough that no one noticed, though getting her hair out of her eyes as she broke the surface was remarkably less so. Still the problem had been solved. She’d instantly transformed herself from a slut that got wet at the memory of her own rape into just another swimmer with one quick dive.
Ivy swam a while longer – doing half a dozen laps to cool off after her tan so no one would think anything of her behavior before she tired of it. She wasn’t much of a swimmer, and now that the worst heat of the day had passed she’d rather be back home on her phone in front of a fan than getting chlorine in her eyes. So she exited the pool and went to the locker room for a quick change to ride home so she could shower and all that. At least that was the plan until she saw Anna changing to get ready for work and her mouth went dry.
Ivy felt a stab of sudden shyness as she started to remove her shoulder straps. Normally changing in front of strangers didn’t matter, but this one… Ivy turned around and pretended not to notice that she was practically alone in the women’s changing area with her crush as she got undressed. She only got the bathing suit to her waist though before she heard Anna say, “Well look who it is.”
Ivy turned around and pretended to be surprised, “Oh my Gosh Anna – what are you doing here?” Faking the surprise was easy – keeping eye contact instead of looking down at her eighteen year old classmate’s chest while she stood there in only her underwear was much harder, but somehow Ivy managed.
“I actually work here,” Anna said, holding up the red bathing suit of a lifeguard. “What about you?” When Anna bent down to pick up her suit, Ivy let her eyes roam the body of her crush with reckless abandonment for a few seconds, wandering along her thighs and hips, her breasts, and the nape of her neck. She’d never known that Anna had such well defined tan lines or such large nipples, but now that she did know, it would be impossible to forget.
“I just needed a break from the fam. You know. Somewhere where I wouldn’t roast,” Ivy said, averting her gaze while she sat down and pulled her suit all the way off. “So it was this or the library.”
“Well I think you made the right choice,” Anna said, pulling off her panties while she stood five feet from Ivy, practically forcing her to look at her shaved vagina while she acted like it was no big deal. This was killing Ivy though. One girl got dressed while the other put on her suit and each pretended like there was no attraction here – but Ivy could feel it, and she was sure Anna could feel it too.
“Tanning is always the right choice,” Ivy said, and they both laughed at that as they both focused on getting dressed
“Well, it was good seeing you again,” Anna said finally as she finished first and started to walk away.
“You too. Maybe I’ll see you around.” Ivy answered still in her underwear, immediately regretting the lame response. Of course she’d see her around. They went to the same school and had some of the same friends. It came off as so desperate and clingy.
Those doubts and feelings of self hatred evaporated though when Anna turned around briefly and flashed a smile. “I’d like that,” she said. Just like that, everything was better. Ivy dressed and was halfway home before she realized she should have tried to get her snap, but even that was a forgivable mistake. She was surprised she’d kept it together as well as she did when she’d been so close to Anna’s naked breasts. Forgetting to find out something she could get at school wasn’t nearly as bad as any of the things that could have happened.
At home Ivy managed the heroic feat of keeping her hands off of her sex while she took a shower, and the rest of the day was so much better than she thought it would be, even with her stupid sibilings bothering her, as her mind went back to her crushes body again and again. Once the sun set and she was alone in her bed it became almost impossible not to touch herself at least a little bit while her conflicted feelings about what Brian had done to her mixed with the way Anna’s naked body had made her feel.
Slowly her right hand wandered down her flat stomach and toward her special place as she imagined what it would be like if her imaginary lover forced herself on her and started to kiss her way down to her panties. It was a hot fantasy – hot enough to make her touch herself for the first time even though she knew it would give her one more thing to pray for forgiveness for in church tomorrow. Compared to sex before marriage though, a little masturbation hardly seemed to count.
Ivy wasn’t surprised that she’d ultimately given in to this temptation, but she was surprised just how wet her encounter today had made her. Her poor little vagina was positively soaked as she slid a finger inside it. She could just imagine what Brian would say if he saw her like this. “Do you want me to fuck you until you’re straight again? I might need to bring a few friends considering what a total lesbo slut you are.” His words rang in her head as her imaginary lover attacked her clit with her pretty little mouth. It was too much, even as clumsy as Ivy’s fingers were, having never done this before it still felt unbelievably good. So good that she accidentally moaned out loud before immediately covering her mouth with her left hand to keep herself from making any more noise.
She knew she should stop, at least for a minute to make sure no one heard that, but she couldn’t. Right now it was physically impossible for Ivy to stop from fingering her pussy to the idea of Anna going down on her. It was such a vivid fantasy that it made her hate herself, but she still couldn’t bring herself to end it, or to try to imagine Brian fucking her instead. All she could do was add a second finger and bite down on her hand as she gasped in pleasure from the added stimulation. Her two fingers still weren’t as thick as the only cock that had ever been inside her, but they felt about a thousand times better as she wiggled them back and forth, trying to decide if it felt better to move them around or slide them in and out.
After a few more seconds she no longer hated herself for masturbating – instead she hated herself for not coming to the pool later in the day. If only she’d been there when they were closing. If it had just been Anna and Ivy in the women’s area while all the rest of the male lifeguards were in their own locker room then instead of playing with her own pussy, Anna might have pinned her against the shower wall, showing her just what pleasure really was as her fingers explored her sex and her mouth attacked her sensitive nipples. It was the wasted opportunity of a lifetime, and it was the image that she finally came to when her orgasm suddenly snuck up on her out of nowhere. One second she was trying to rub a part of her vagina that was rougher than the rest of her slick walls that was sort of under her pelvis, and the next moment her hips were bucking like she had a muscle spasm while she was whimpering helplessly at the uncontrollable sensations she’d unleashed from deep inside her.
This is why people do it. This is why people sin, she thought, as she struggled to stay silent through the maelstrom of pleasure. It was a near thing, but as she finally came down from the bliss that she’d unleashed, Ivy had made no more sounds louder than the heavy breathing she was doing now that it was over. She had no idea that touching herself like this could feel this good, but if she could make herself feel like this whenever she wanted to, it was going to be hard to say no to these urges in the future. Not nearly as hard as saying no to Anna if she was ever alone with her. Ivy knew that she shouldn’t want to be with another girl this badly, but something about her called to her, and she knew that she’d do anything to taste her.
She fell asleep lost in those thoughts and in the morning she woke up reeking of sex and sin. Twenty minute later she was dressed in a prim and proper ivory dress for church, but her thoughts weren’t as easy to clean up as her skin, and she spent half of the sermon reliving a combination of yesterday’s events and last night’s fantasies. It was hotter than it had any right to be, she thought as she squirmed in the pew, poisoned by the lust that had entered her life. Ivy didn’t bother to pray for forgiveness, because she knew that she was going to sin again tonight, and probably the night after that and the night after that until she could finally taste Anna again.