Tag: Group

His knee touched mine under the table. It was surely so innocuous that I was downright foolish for noticing. He knows I have a long time boyfriend, right? Of course he does. It’s written all over me. Unavailable. Taken. Committed. Uninterested. But what if he also knows that I’ve had a crush on him this whole time despite my relationship? I’ve been telling myself that every girl has one. The forbidden not-boyfriend crush that they always smile about with fondness. Part of its allure is that it’s so innocent to entertain. You know nothing will ever come of it-if you’re smart. The unspoken rule is to select a crush who barely knows you exist. He could perhaps be the most distant of acquaintances; think of the convenience store cashier you see from time to time, or the cute guitar player at your grandparent’s church. I’m talking that kind of irrelevant. The danger of crushing on someone you actually know and see more than once a week is developing real feelings based on real traits. So, you can imagine my dismay when he, yes, my forbidden not-boyfriend, was not only in my class, but was assigned to my group project. For years, he’d been my dream, untouchable man I had the pleasure of seeing from time to time in the hallways. I knew his name of course, and I nearly fainted last year when he sent me a friend request online. My boyfriend and I were well established even then, but still, knowing that he knew that I existed was enough tinder to keep the flames of passion going. Occasionally, I’d see him at football games, and maybe we even sat in the same section once or twice. The closest we ever got to interacting was when he said “hi” once while passing me in the hallway. I had felt rather daring at the time, as I had chosen to look at him first, just to experiment to see if he would acknowledge me. When he did, I thought about that dastardly, dripping-with-divinity “hi” for a week straight afterward like a mad woman. I found myself replaying it especially often when my boyfriend was being particularly, well, boyfriendy.  Read more »