Possible trigger warning here for people with trauma!
This post isn’t about assault, it’s about a fantasy I have, but it needs this little backstory.
When I was 15, my bf at the time (also 15) wanted to have sex and I didn’t. I told him we could try as long as he stopped if it was hurting me. It hurt immediately – I was very small (around 100 lbs) and a virgin, plus there was very little foreplay and he was NOT gentle. I begged him to stop, but he kind of pinned my limbs down and wouldn’t stop. I didn’t want to scream bc my parents were downstairs and I didn’t want them to catch us doing something we clearly shouldn’t have been. For years I considered this experience to be completely my fault, and sex became something I was afraid of, both bc of the pain and the feeling of being overpowered/helpless.