*Tl;dr: I am a bi-curious married man. My wife is aware. I have not cheated on her and she knows that, too. But my urges are directed at the man she most detests – her abusive ex-husband. And my urges are growing harder to control.*
When I was a young unmarried man I had sexual experiences with other guys. Frequently. I began dating women in college and eventually married a woman, began living as straight. I do not now think of myself as gay despite my history. I do, I admit, have sexual fantasies that involve other men, mainly of a cuckold nature. I avoid gym showers because I become erect around other naked men.
My wife was briefly married (and divorced) before she met me. She describes her ex as aggressive and abusive. She has confided in me that sometimes when he wanted sex and she didn’t, she was the victim of marital rape. She never told this to anyone else; their divorce was “amicable”. Fortunately they had no children. He’s still in town and I have met him a few times. He has no animosity toward me. I was never his competition – they broke up before I appeared on the scene. But he doesn’t respect me, either. I am visibly, and by reputation, a soft, gentle man, not half the macho jackass he is.