I’ve been told that I’m a company woman to the death, and that it wasn’t necessarily a compliment or an insult. I work long, hard hours, and take my work home with me when I can. I always think two steps ahead of my supervisors, and find new, efficient ways to do my work. God forbid I ever catch anyone stealing supplies here and there; even if someone so much as opens the supply closet without leaving a form with me will receive the full, unabated, righteous fury of the company, and clean out their desks by 4pm.
I’ve been told that I have a Napoleona complex: since I’m small, slim, flat chested with no butt, I secretly feel inferior to everyone, and I have to overcompensate. The person who told me that got fired a week later for completely unrelated reasons, I hear. Missing supplies ended up in his desk or something or other. It is true that I am the smallest person in the office. Some people even say that I look like someone’s angsty teenaged daughter, what with the “radical” pixie cut that I wear.