As I went to the kitchen, I thought: “STUPID!!! SHE WANTED ME TO GO ALL THE WAY!!! SHE WAS PROBABLY INCITING ME!!!! But… she could’ve just been enjoying the massage… but… THAT MUCH?!?! YOU IDIOT!!!! IT WAS A SIGN AND YOU MISSED IT!!!! YOU MISSED IT!!!! NOW SHE’LL NOT WANT ANYTHING WITH YOU, YOU FUCKING COWARD!!!!”.
I brought her a glass of water and placed the sheets back over her legs. I ordered a pizza and it arrived thirty minutes later. All that while, Jenny was very quiet. I couldn’t bring myself to say a single word; I was swimming in a stew of shame, regret, anger and self disappointment.
I helped Jenny eat and even cleaned her lips with a napkin. “Would you like to watch a movie? I’ve got Netflix, Apple TV, Amazon Prime, Hulu… you name it, I got it. “Well, I’ve never seen Schindler’s List. Is it good?”, she asked. “It’s one of my favorites; let’s watch it”, I said.