Skip this one if you’re not a fan of consensual non-consent or rape fantasies. This is (obviously!) fiction.
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I remember reading so much NC-17 fanfiction as a teenager. I saw sexual dynamics in all my favorite media since childhood, and burgeoning online fandoms let me find others who did the same. Livejournal, fanfiction.net, and custom stories I wrote for and with friends fueled my best masturbatory fantasies from twelve well into college. Though I don’t read or write fanfiction anymore, I still let my mind wander down those paths from time to time.
I saw *The Last Jedi* last week and it ~~snoked~~ stoked my longstanding interest in people who flirt with evil. I’ve never done anything truly *bad*, but I know I have the capacity for it. I’ve felt the temptation to cross solid moral lines, and with a different upbringing, maybe I’d have given in to those darker impulses. Though I never will, seeing it acted on by others for power or pleasure stirs something in the pit of my stomach—part fear, part excitement. I felt that about Vader as a kid (thanks for showing us the original trilogy, Dad) and I feel it about Kylo Ren now.