Hot right? There’s nothing like sticky floors and stale spinning hot dogs to get the juices flowing. It

was actually outside the 7-Eleven. I was parked in my truck, taking lunch. I liked the Bi-mart parking lot

for my breaks. It was just on the edge of my recycle route. That’s right, my garbarge-man recycle-truck

driving route. I had been working this job for the past two years since getting out of the Army at 24.

It was a glass-truck. I picked up the blue boxes lining the neighborhoods and filled with all the empty

loneliness we are all so nobly and responsibly disposing of. I had to drive my truck from the right side

when on-route, standing up and without a door. I had very defined calve muscles to say the least.

I was parked at the edge of the Bi-Mart parking lot, just before the ambiguous crossover into

pavement leased to the 7-Eleven corp, two rows of spots away from the pumps. I was watching her

scrolling through the RedBox on the curb outside next to the propane cage and plastic-wrapped

firewood stacked on mildewed pallets. Read more »

This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever written. A zombie-filled, pornographic, apocalyptic comedy. It’s more fun with the pictures (mobile friendly). May your quarantine be full of laughter and orgasms.

https://crazyhotzombies.com

Here’s the start…

—–

The Crazy Hot Zombie came into the house naked. Her nipples were glistening on her swollen titties. She was smoking.

Literally.

Her golden Hawaiian skin was smoking, because she was shot. Someone had tried to shoot her in the head but missed. She had a bullet-hole in her collar-bone. Her beautiful skin was closing over the injury, giving off smoke like incense.

She healed in only seconds. Then she was standing there perfectly whole. Perfectly hot. Her dark Hawaiian hair fell back from her golden face. Her lips were red and luscious from the brains she had been eating earlier.

10/10 I would hit that.

“Yo, fuck these bitches,” said Mickey.

He put a sawn-off shotgun up to the Crazy Hot Zombie’s face. He blew her head off – that’s the only way to kill a Crazy Hot Zombie.

“She was fine though,” I said.

“She was,” said Mickey. “Now she’s got an apple bottom and a watermelon head.” Read more »

I had recently moved to a new job in NYC. A 30 year old lonely, small town girl with big ambitions and a high paying job had moved to NYC to go through the next phase of her life. I did not have any friends, just few acquaintances and helpful colleagues. There was this guy Kevin in my office who was reporting to me. Kevin was roughly my age, a bright hard working colleague whose personality was quite different from me. He was less confident in most discussions, avoided conflicts and was happy to please his new boss, that is me, even at the expense of working late nights.

After couple of weeks of getting started in my new job, I was already tense. Too many work responsibilities, setting up my new apartment and managing things in New York is never easy. But I sensed a kind of power in my new job that I never felt before. May be it was Kevin who never said ‘No’ to me, his attitude of always trying to please me was enjoyable. Read more »

I resolve against saying yes, but my tongue conspires against me with the technical compliance of a divorce lawyer. “I would love to.”

“Great. I live just down the street, and I was hoping I wouldn’t have to walk home alone.” Her head tilts toward me as she speaks, as though she’s admitting something deeply private. Again I feel the whole room focusing into me when her eyes lock onto me. They dart back and forth for a brief moment, scanning over my expression for any clues into my desires. My lungs tense with each breath under her scrutiny.

“Sure, just let me actually water the plants and we can head over.”

Her house is just a few blocks and an uneventful walk away. She wraps an arm around mine as we walked. I give her an affectionate look and she gives my bicep a squeeze. I learn her name. Florence, or Flora for short. A single corner of the apartment is illuminated with yellow light, revealing a frosty plastic container and the sharp glint of a handful of metallic pins. Most prominent, however, is the glossy sheen of a glass case, whose contents are obscured by the sharpness of the light’s reflection. Read more »