I was excited to be working on a devised piece of theatre. For all of you non-theatre-nerds out there, devised theatre is original work created and performed by an ensemble. Most people are used to seeing plays and musicals that were written beforehand, the rights secured for fees payable to various publishing companies. That, or free plays in the public domain.
My college decided to have students work together and write a play. I was a sophomore coming into my own, more confident than ever. My ambitions were to write, act, and compose in this piece. Underneath it all was a deep insecurity that I wasn’t talented enough. But here, I just had to be more talented than my classmates.
I don’t think anyone would have pegged me for insecure, but deep down, I knew I wasn’t as good an actor, writer, or musician as I wanted to be. When I looked people in the eye, I felt their silent acknowledgment of this fact. Worst was that no one had the guts to tell me I wasn’t special. Their unspoken thoughts hovered around my psyche at all times. So the validation of my peers would hit like a drug. Especially the opinion of girls.