I’ve dabbled with D/s play off and on since college. I happened across Anne Rice’s “Sleeping Beauty” before it had her name as the author. It was still published under just the pseudonym. I had no idea I was wired that way. I was so turned on while I read it, that sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night and jack off.
I started exploring. The fetish community is awesome, but like any niche “hobby”, it can be clique-ish. People trying to impress you with how much they know. People with strong opinions trying to tell you what a “real” Dom, or “real” sub is. People’s self esteem gets wrapped up in how they identify themselves, and where they fit in the community, and it can get weird.
For me, I didn’t really care about labels, or if I was enough of this or too much of that. Lets just have some good up front communication and if it turns us on lets do it. And for me, what really turned me on was playing with a woman that truly got wet at the idea of being in control of a man.