Author: verticallocomotive

I give blowjobs on the first date because men keep ruining my impression of them during the date [F] [F25]

I tend to end first dates with a goodbye blowjob. If you’re gonna walk me to my door, you deserve a blowjob. You paid for my ice cream, you deserve a blowjob. You pinned me to the wall and allowed me to grind on your knee while making out? Definitely let me suck you off.

I’ve found that as I’ve gotten older, my standards for hookups have gone up. If you make too many sexist remarks in a row, I’m revoking your complimentary blowjob. If you make autistic jokes, you’re paying for the entire meal. I’m sorry, unless you have a clinically significant score on the [RAADS-R](https://embrace-autism.com/raads-r/) (and like, I’m a 136 on it), you’re banned from making these jokes to me.

So that’s why I’ve been sucking guys off before our first date. You literally cannot ruin your first impression if you’re only allowed to talk after cumming down my throat. This isn’t really a thing I can do now that I’m living in student dorms and there are 4 locked doors between the front desk and my apartment’s front door, but when I lived by myself, I’d let him pick me up from my front door and I’d give him a blowjob before wearing my shoes. And then I’d try to clean up my blowjob-proof makeup, because you’re gonna ruin my lipstick anyway, but that’s not the point. Read more »

A Christmas gangbang/gift exchange, where I’m the host’s gift [F] [F25] [group]

Christmas is a busy time for me, especially with my boyfriend around. He has a huge extended family that mostly gets along with one another, and what they lack in musical talent, they make up for in sheer volume and enthusiasm. They sing with the sort of raw enthusiasm a Trombone Champ player performs [classic Christmas songs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IE1O8XQIkc), and my god I fucking love it.

But in between the raucous singing and listening to his uncles opine about Russo-Ukrainian relations, my boyfriend and I host our own Christmas gatherings. We’ve been sending invites to people we’ve fucked and trying to get everybody in the same city since October, but even so, we’ve only managed to gather a dozen guys.

To be fair though, a dozen guys is plenty enough, since there’s only 1 of me. Of the 11 guys we invited, I’ve had sex with 6 of them, but the plan was to raise that number by the end of the night. What can I say, I love being the center of attention when it comes to sex.

I’ve worked on a longer post, but I can’t seem to get it short enough to fit in a single post so I’ll just sum up what we did. Read more »

“It’s not losing NNN if I cum on your cock, right?” [F] [FM] [F24]

Some of you play NNN. Some of you play NNN on [hard mode](https://reddit.com/r/nonutnovemberhardmode). But Emmanuel played NNN on the hardest mode, and I broke him.

I think NNN is misguided. Studies have shown that [“a wide range of better psychological and physiological health indices are associated specifically with penile–vaginal intercourse”](https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1743-6109.2009.01677.x), which imply that instead of not masturbating for the whole of November, you should be lining up to have sex with women (preferably me) for your physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

And that’s why I’ve been breaking men for the whole month. Yesterday I broke Emmanuel’s streak. I met Emmanuel in one of my lectures, and he asked me for my number because I looked like the sort of person who studies a lot.

1) That is true
2) That is also mildly racist, seeing as I’m a Chinese woman in the middle of London Read more »

Fist day at grad school [F] [F24] [FMM]

Yes, I’m proud of that joke. Yes, it’s technically not my first day at grad school, but shhhhh let me have this moment.

————————————-

I’m back in grad school, and college is always a good time to really put yourself out there. Stretch yourself, be uncomfortable, try new things. In most cases, that means experimenting with the same gender, casual sex, or joining a new club, but in my case, it’s getting fisted.

To preface, I’m no stranger to stretching my vagina out. I have a large Pearce, and I know on a logical level that its thickest point is almost as thick as my entire wrist. I’ve just never really had an interest in fisting myself because I’m short and my arm can’t bend that way.

Anyway, I digress. I came back to campus the Friday before classes started, and I met someone named Vincent at a freshman event. We hit it off, he brought me back to his place thinking I was a bright-eyed 18 year old girl, and we went two rounds. The sex was pretty uninspiring, all things considered, but in Vincent’s defense, I had spent the week on dating apps fucking men in their 50s who’d wine and dine me first, so buying me a single G&T at the bar really isn’t all that impressive. Read more »

this is why I love fucking all my friends [F] [F24]

I’ve mentioned this here and there, but I think the best fwbs are the ones that start as friendships. There has to be something other than sex underpinning this relationship, and I think we should genuinely enjoy spending time together. Otherwise, what are we supposed to do between orgasms? Scroll through our social media in silence?

My favourite part about fucking my friends is that stage between seeing me in a whole new light and actually fucking me. On one hand, I love drawing this stage out. I know I’m gonna fuck them eventually, but I want to see how far they’re willing to go to fuck me. On the other hand, I wanna explore every square millimeter of their genitals intimately with my pussy and mouth immediately.

If you’ve ever watched Leverage, casual sex with your friends is like grifting a mark. This does make me sound like an actual criminal, so let me explain myself. You’re always in charge, but the mark always believes they’re in charge. They’re thinking two steps ahead trying to score some pussy, but you’re always four steps ahead. You’ve planned the lingerie and outfit, and your friend only realizes it was your idea the entire time when they finally undress you for the very first time. Read more »

Falling in love with my best friend [FF]

This is a longer post that’s heavy on the feelings and light on the sex so you’ve been warned.

As I’m lying here, in the arms of my female ex-flatmate/best friend/intermittent fuck buddy/the person I’d marry if my boyfriend spontaneously ceased to exist at this very moment, I’m reminded that I’m loved by so many people. I’m happily attached to my boyfriend, who texts me pictures of the cats and dogs he meets everyday. I know marriage is an eventuality because we’ve always planned to have a future together.

But I’m typing this in bed with S, my female… friend, who I’m absolutely in love with. We’ve spent the last week in quarantine after getting COVID on a vacation we had planned over the last few months. We cooked for one another, we watched Hamilton together, and we tried (unsuccessfully) to have sex anyway, so even though this is objectively a terrible situation, I’m glad I spent it with her. Read more »

You know what’s humiliating? Meeting someone to get skullfucked the day *after* he fucks you at a party [F23] [FM] [FMM] [group]

Alternate title: Fucking every single guy at a vaccinated party (F23)

## Saturday: Jul 3

At this point, my pussy was sore as hell. My whole body was starting to ache. This wasn’t necessarily more sex than I was usually having, not with my flatmates and boyfriend using me regularly, but I was still feeling sore from [Sam’s frozen dildo](https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/p0ii8n/day_4_of_hopping_from_bed_to_bed_for_an_entire/) and [George’s drug-assisted fucking](https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/p2h4c8/i_spent_a_week_hopping_from_bed_to_bed_after/).

“How was your night?” my boyfriend texted me in the morning.

“An army recruiter? Really?”

“Glad you liked it!”

I left him on read. I wasn’t going to deign him with a reply.

Over lunch, I received an address and a time, but no name. George was very interested to hear what I’ve been up to this whole week, which got him hard enough for one last fuck before he reluctantly left for work in the afternoon. Sure, he was very obviously interested in recruiting me for the armed forces, but he really knew how to pamper a woman. Read more »

I spent a week hopping from bed to bed after graduating! [F] [F23] [FM] [public] (Part 3)

Alternate title: The time someone tried to recruit me into the *army* during sex.

## Friday: Jul 2

[My fifth hookup for the week](https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/ozz7nx/i_spent_a_week_hopping_from_bed_to_bed_after/) was George, a pilot. He wasn’t an airline pilot, but rather a fighter pilot who happened to be in town. My first thought was that he lived in an airbase, which didn’t make sense. There wasn’t one around here for miles, and I wasn’t sure how he’d sneak me onto a protected military base, but it turned out George had cleared out some time and booked a hotel room for us.

“Are you sure you’re not pimping me out?” I texted my boyfriend, [as I left Sam’s apartment](https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/p0ii8n/day_4_of_hopping_from_bed_to_bed_for_an_entire/).

“Relax, he’s a friend of a friend!”

He didn’t really answer the question, but I wasn’t going to look the gift horse in the mouth.

George lived “halfway between my city and his airbase” with his family, and he was here for a week off. He was willing to buy me dinner and drinks, in exchange for a night of sex… or more. Read more »

Day 4 of hopping from bed to bed for an entire week (Part 2) [F] [F23] [FM] [public] [temperature play]

Alternate title: I met a guy and we literally fucked on a public bench on our first date.

## Thursday: Jul 1

I was very reluctant to get out of bed. This is why I like sleeping with women. [Judith](https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/ozz7nx/i_spent_a_week_hopping_from_bed_to_bed_after/) was a cuddler and she had her arms curled around me like a vise.

“Morning,” I greeted.

“Godddddd,” she muttered. So much for being a devout Catholic huh.

Judith was kinda like S, my female flatmate. They aren’t morning people, and the only thing that would get them out of bed is the promise of coffee and more sex. I sat on her kitchen counter topless, watching Judith blearily operate a French press. Who knew a zombie could operate a weighing scale with such proficiency.

40 grams of coffee, ground coarsely. 80 grams of water, stir with a spoon and let it bloom for 30 seconds. 400 grams of water, steep for 4 minutes. Serves 2 caffeine-addicted women. Read more »

I spent a week hopping from bed to bed after graduating! [F] [F23] [FM] [FF] (Part 1)

Some people do a graduation trip around Europe, but that’s not entirely feasible nowadays. So I celebrated my graduation hopping from bed to bed for a whole week straight.

Some of you guys are on /r/stupidslutsclub, and you might know about *Bang For Roof* challenges. For those of you who are new around here, this challenge is to hook up with a different person every day for a whole week **without sleeping in your own bed**. Really hot in the pre-Covid days, kinda sus now.

Here’s how I organized it. Being an introvert, my social circle really atrophied hard during the pandemic. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is a social butterfly. So I had him ask his friends if I could fuck them, and he agreed to handle the boring but important stuff. You know, stuff like finding out if they’re vaccinated or clean. I’m just here to convince them to fuck me (Difficulty rating: 3/10), let me spend the night (Difficulty rating: 6/10), and maybe steal some of their clothes (Difficulty rating: 10/10). Read more »