I give blowjobs on the first date because men keep ruining my impression of them during the date [F] [F25]

I tend to end first dates with a goodbye blowjob. If you’re gonna walk me to my door, you deserve a blowjob. You paid for my ice cream, you deserve a blowjob. You pinned me to the wall and allowed me to grind on your knee while making out? Definitely let me suck you off.

I’ve found that as I’ve gotten older, my standards for hookups have gone up. If you make too many sexist remarks in a row, I’m revoking your complimentary blowjob. If you make autistic jokes, you’re paying for the entire meal. I’m sorry, unless you have a clinically significant score on the [RAADS-R](https://embrace-autism.com/raads-r/) (and like, I’m a 136 on it), you’re banned from making these jokes to me.

So that’s why I’ve been sucking guys off before our first date. You literally cannot ruin your first impression if you’re only allowed to talk after cumming down my throat. This isn’t really a thing I can do now that I’m living in student dorms and there are 4 locked doors between the front desk and my apartment’s front door, but when I lived by myself, I’d let him pick me up from my front door and I’d give him a blowjob before wearing my shoes. And then I’d try to clean up my blowjob-proof makeup, because you’re gonna ruin my lipstick anyway, but that’s not the point.

The last guy I met at my front door was a guy who lived on my floor. He’s friends with my flatmate Danielle, so he’s definitely seen me [traipsing around the flat wearing next to nothing](https://www.reddit.com/r/SluttyConfessions/comments/y6p83l/ive_instituted_a_clothesoptional_policy_in_my/). Told him to arrive at 4.15pm and he did, so that deserves a blowjob. As usual, I was running a little late, but I did tell him I planned to leave at 5, so there was more than enough time for me to deliver a blowjob as he stood outside my room. It took him a while to get the message and facefuck me, but I got him to hold my head in a nice and firm grip. Just thrust into my open mouth and throat loudly, and get over how loud it actually was. He’s not like, massive, so I had a somewhat pleasant time running my hands up and down his thighs. It took him around 5 to 10 minutes before he started thrusting harder and I could feel his cock swelling, so I pushed myself to the base of his cock, and kinda zoned out a little while he came. Like it was zoning out in a slutty way, because I do love the smell of a guy’s crotch and pubic hair, but also in an ADHD way, because I was also thinking about dinner.

Anyway, the date wasn’t really all that special. I see why Danielle said that she doesn’t see what I see in him, but she’s kinda accepted that I go on dates not because I’m looking for a long-term relationship, but more because I’m looking for potential fwbs. Unfortunately, this guy did not pass the vibe check. Made some ableist joke about people with ADHD and autism, which was especially rude because you guys know me as the naked ADHD nerd in Danielle’s flat. So he’s only getting 1 blowjob out of me.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/11h8fn7/i_give_blowjobs_on_the_first_date_because_men

44 comments

  1. When you said autistic jokes were a deal breaker I was concerned until I realized you meant jokes about autistic people

  2. Amazing how a simple standard like that is just not met by the majority

  3. I just scored a 152 I have hyperactive adhd and I’m on the spectrum

  4. After reading this and viewing your kink list, I’m ngl, you seem like a dream come true

  7. I didn’t come for the autistic representation, but I’m glad it’s here! You sound great 😊

  8. A subject of a joke isn’t the same as the target of a punchline. Hope you know that. Have a good day!

  10. I guarantee I could wait until after the blowjob to disappoint you!

  13. I scored a 119. Always suspected it. This runs in the family on my mother’s side.

  14. With all due respect, but I can’t help it. One of these days you’re gonna be talking to a long time relationship partner and I fear it might end like this:

    You sucked 37 dicks? My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks.

    In a row?

  17. Oh shit just scored a 202… got diagnosed more than 10 years ago

  20. Felt compelled to take the assessment, scored 128. Maybe we’re on the something here

  22. This story is awesome wildly to me. I could not even imagine women wanting to give me blowjob just before the first date and then assessing whether or not I deserve more in the very near future.

  25. Came for a wank, ended with a diagnosis.

    10/10 would be on the spectrum again

  29. Didn’t realize there were self-report autism things like that. Ended up with a 94, though I have to say I’m not too pleased with the answer choices. Some of the questions were definite yeses, and some I was sorta halfway on but there wasn’t really a good way to convey that. Maybe I’ll look around and see what other options are out there.

    I haven’t bothered getting professionally tested because I didn’t really see any benefit, unlike for ADHD and OCD where I needed the diagnoses to get treatment.

    Anyway ty for the hot story and even more for making me think more closely about these things! Sorry the guys around you are so shitty.

  30. Lol me only receiving 3 blowjobs throughout the whole relationship. 9 month relationship🌝

  31. You know, I basically would’ve passed out if I was greeted like this before the first date. Mainly due to my shy, Introverted nature

  33. Making jokes about our homies with an extra chromie…. I got ADHD and make fun of other with it all the time. It’s just about not being so fragile.

  35. How many BJ’s you do per week?, every date first date BJ’s what is that? Nice standard for a first date.

  37. Huh, I got a 72. Though I have almost no good memories of when I was under 16, so it’s hard to say sometimes if things were true “only before I was 16”.

    And I’m glad to see that punctuality is BJ-worthy. I’m always on time, being late makes me annoyed or anxious.

  39. Happy birthday recently ish! (From your last post you linked it seems you had one!) #throatgoat

  40. Wow, this would make me stupidly uncomfortable and would definitely result in me calling off a date.

    Edit: 104. Concerning

  42. I love that everyone’s posting their scores. I got a 92, and it was very interesting to see how that was in large part due to the communication category

  44. I know you’re primarily here to share a sexy story, but I can’t help but be distracted by

    > If you make too many sexist remarks in a row

    And

    > If you make autistic jokes

    I know I’ve been out of the dating game for a while, but how are sexist remarks still a thing? How are autistic jokes a thing at all? How are these seen as acceptable banter, particularly on a first date?

    Also, can we agree on how many sexist remarks in a row are too many? I could be generous and say two, but I really want to say one.

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