When I look back now I can barely recognize the girl I was at 19, that summer before I left for Iowa State. That small town catholic girl, who didn't have her first orgasm until she was 19, is worlds away from the woman I became. I was really confused that summer about my new fluid sexual identity that was forming. The “lesbian” label is never something I've been comfortable with adopting, and not because I think there is anything wrong those who choose to do so. Because of my small town religious upbringing I would have avoided that label when I was young, but eventually I realized it just didn't define who I am. I’m not even really comfortable with the bi-sexual label, because most people assume those who adopt that label are sex crazy. My preferences are very fluid and usually it’s not the gender of a person that draws me in, it’s just the person.
Author: stifleurself
My Last Summer at Home (Part 4)
The whole week at the supermarket seemed to last forever for me and Jill. We didn't really get a chance to tease our boss Rickey again since the store was super busy. The 4th of July was next Monday and everyone in town had been stocking up on stuff to make their favorite holiday foods. The weather was supposed to be perfect the whole three day weekend. I was sure looking forward to going over to the Carter’s with Jill, because they were the only family in town with an in-ground pool and hot tub. I was also really curious what Beth would be like outside of school. After Jill told me about her last “adventure” with Beth, it was going to be pretty interesting.
I didn't see Tommy all week, which was just fine with me. I hadn't said one word to him since I found out he left my graduation party to get sucked off by that bimbo Cindy Johnson. I just wanted him to leave for the Marines and never come back. Some of his friends told me he hadn't been the same since graduation. He told everybody he knew he had fucked up really bad. He told them again and again that I’d been the best part of his life for the last two years. I only had two responses for those conversations, “Good” and “No, I won’t talk to him.”
My Last Summer at Home (Part 3)
"Well baby, there you stand. With your little head, down in your hand. Oh, my God, you can't believe it's happening again. Your baby's gone, and you're all alone and it looks like the end."
"And you're back out on the street, and you're tryin' to remember. How do you start it over? You don't know if you can. You don't care much for a stranger's touch, but you can't hold your man."
"You never thought you'd be alone this far down the line. And I know what's been on your mind. You're afraid it's all been wasted time."
When I got home from the gravel pits, thank god my parents were already in bed. I know I smelled like cigarettes and beer, and I wasn't walking too straight. I switched on my radio and lay down on the bed. I stared at the ceiling for a minute, then I made the drunken mistake of opening an old wound. As Wasted Time by The Eagles drifted from my clock radio, I slowly paged through one of my old journals. In the margins my name was written neatly three different ways, each time with my ex-boyfriends last name. Tanya Reed-Martin, Tanya Mary Martin, Tanya M. Martin. The old memories of Tommy Martin and how he broke my heart right before summer started, were too much. The tears I hadn't shed in weeks began to well in my eyes as Don Henley sang to me.
My Last Summer at Home (Part 2)
Jill and I had such a surge of adrenaline and sexual excitement after leaving poor Rickey at the drive-in with cum filled shorts, that we drove my old pickup around for another hour just to settle down. We circled the outskirts of town, and then we took county road 42 out to the gravel pits. The gravel pits on the west side of town were one of our favorite places to hangout. We could drink some beers and smoke some Marlboro's before plunging into the water from a rope that was tied to an old walnut tree. At night it was a popular hangout for the local high school kids who like to smoke a little weed, and maybe do some skinny dipping. Jill and I liked to sit on a big rock down by the water and listen to the cicadas and bull frogs, while we sipped our beer and talked about all our big plans. Tonight Jill was unusually quiet, so I could tell she had something else on her mind.
My Last Summer at Home (FFM, mild domination)
During high school I lived in a small town in the mid-west where nothing ever happens. We had a drive-in movie that had just reopened, a bowling alley, a pizza joint, a supermarket, and two gas stations. The summer before I left for Iowa State University, I worked in our town's supermarket so I had some spending money in the fall. When I wasn't working, I just read books or surfed the web. On the cool summer nights, I cruised the quiet streets our little town with my best friend Jill. She was always there for me through good times or bad, and we sure had fun that summer before going off to the big world.
Jill and I operated the checkouts at the supermarket and we would always tease our boss Rickey, just to make the days more interesting. Rickey was a year younger than us, but he was the owners son, so he was our manager. He was cute and easy to embarrass, so we cut him a break and followed his rules most of the time. Rickey was shorter than us and probably 120 lbs. soaking wet, so he wasn't hard to intimidate. We liked to think we were so worldly, particularly in our little short blue uniforms. Rickey's dad had let us pick them out from a uniform catalog, and we chose the shortest ones they sold just to tease Rickey.