A coat rack has sex with a hat. Honestly idek with this one lmao.

I was diagnosed with a rare form of erectile dysfunction. Lignum phallus inordinationem. The disease is found in only 2 out of every 1 trillion people. I am unable to have an erection. When I become sexually aroused my whole body stiffs up and I transform into a coat hanger. 

I was horribly desperate for some kind of treatment for my disorder. I was willing to turn anywhere. Online I found a support group that met near where I live. 

“We have a little group that meets Mondays and Thursdays”, my email correspondent told me “I would love to see you there some time.” 

 When I arrived for the meetings I discovered people who suffered just like me. They faced medical dilemmas I had never thought possible. There was a man whose penis would transform into an elephant trunk and then he would ejaculate butterflies instead of cum. There was a woman with breasts that would transform into watermelons and then fall off. She wouldn’t cum unless someone ate them. Another lady said that she had no vagina at all. Only a lump. She said she would cum when people played with her hair. It was insane and with my special form of erectile dysfunction I fit right in.

Spooky Halloween smut. WARNING this smut is actually disturbing. Very scary Halloween smut featuring Satan. Part 1

Sleep escaped me on that night. My mind couldn’t be still. It tossed and turned and thought of things that you only really think of when things feel off somehow.

Am I going to lose my health? What if my teeth fall out? What if my hair falls off? What if I lose my arms and legs? What if I am framed for murder? What if they give me the chair? What if I discover that you are still completely conscious after death and I’m put into my grave and buried “alive” and I have to spend the rest of eternity in this state of trying to sleep but never being able to find it? What if that’s what is happening right now? I sit in bed and stand completely still thinking of these awful questions. I might actually just be dead. This might actually be what death is.

I sat up in my bed and turned on the light. I looked down at my hands. “I’ve never seen a dead body turn on a light and look at itself before.” I thought. That would suggest I am not dead.

Astronaut blasts off in a different kinda way

I floated aimlessly in the void of space. My oxygen tank was running low. Soon I would die. 

Seven years of physics courses and pilot training so that I could die in space. I had sacrificed it all for this. I gave up a family, a girlfriend, friends in general. I had nobody. I had nothing. I spent my whole life preparing myself to enter happiness only to die before I walked through the gates. “I’ll have a girlfriend back on earth” I would say. “I’ll find time for people when I’m through school.” I hadn’t even had sex yet. I hadn’t done anything. I was going to die in space. All of my hard work was pointless.

I tried calling mission control again but it wouldn’t go through. I was too far out. I tried to spot a safety vessel or something I could hoist on to but the “horizon” was empty. 

As I lost all hope I sent out an empty half hearted prayer to the God I had neglected. I pleaded:

“God if you can hear me, if there’s anything out there, please don’t let this be it.”

Crude attempt. What a pleb might call poetry.

My second love messages me again

Lust drew me to her

It was the first to see beauty

Tangentially

But deeper too was my attraction

She’d traveled the world and gained wisdom

As I discover it I find what she’d known all along

We live a distance now

We speak even further

“Ya”

“Ok”

“Haha”

Teachers pet greeted with a welcomed surprise

The philosophy professor looked at me with his strong jaw line, huge arms, and tight tight shirt. I could faintly see a six pack behind his buttons.

“Anon”

He said slowly moving his hand up my thigh.

“I don’t believe in penis-vagina dualism”

My pussy turned into a sprinkler as he put down his copy of The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins.

He slowly unzipped his pants revealing a massive 37.5 inch cock bigger than the cosmological abyss between me and the decision to let him shove it up inside me and rearrange my organs.

I leaned forward and, grabbing the base of his dick, took him in my mouth. I felt all 37.5 inches slide down my throat as I gagged on his man meat.

“Nothing grounds our practice” he said to me between breaths and moans “nothing legitimizes it, nothing shows it to be in touch with the way things are” 

He pulled out and I took a few breathes and giggled. I undid my belt and pulled my own pants off. 

“Take me” I said.