[MFF] Max and her sister

Mallitzfest – that was what my dad and Max’s dad called our annual get together. It was a mix of our family names. They were the Malloys, Irish as you like, red hair, freckles, big personalities. We were the Spitzes, German to the core, serious, precise, well-ironed. There was a lot of beer and a lot of sausages.

Max and I had been good friends when we were little. Same elementary school, same high school, but we had gone our own ways to college. I hadn’t been to a Mallitzfest for a couple of years. Max and her sister had grown up. Max was slender with her hair straitened and cut into a short bob. Her sister, Mary, was a year or two younger, a carbon copy of her big sister but a little curvier and with a mane of long flame curls.

‘Hi Joe,’ said Max. She was carrying a couple of boxes of beers towards a huge tub of iced water. Her sister, unloading another box into the bucket, blushed furiously and said nothing. ‘You going to stand there like a potato or are you going to help?’

[MF] Essie gets what she wants

Names and some details changed for anonymity but the good bits are all true.

A few years ago I was working in as a tutor for a university geology department. I am British and it was for a British university. In the summer we ran courses where students would go out to the countryside to learn field techniques – surveying, illustration, that sort of thing. We all stayed in tents on a big campsite, near a tiny village and not much else.

Essie was impossible to miss. She was Honduran-British: 20 years old, petite, dark skin and hair, and an incredibly loud, posh accent. She had a lot of family money. Essie decided from minute one that she wanted me. On paper this was a good thing, right? Hot girl, check. Single, check. Making eyes, check. There was one hitch: she was so annoying I couldn’t be near her for more than five minutes.