That interview I swore would never happen [FM]

*I thought about cutting this down… But I couldn’t. It took me a month to post because I wanted this for just me for a while.*

*We don’t talk often but we try to check in and meet up once a year… Before we did I sent him this account and he actually asked if I wanted to interview him.*

V: Can I start recording now?

K: Ok.

V: I can’t believe you agreed to do this…

K: Is that the question?

V: …You hate this shit.

K: So do you. I don’t get this.

V: … Ok. Why do you hate this?

K: Being interviewed or having my sex life on the Internet?

V: Our sex life is in your dissertation.

K: Yeah, because that’s the equivalent to Reddit.

V: Walk away.

K: No. just… I’m being nice. Acknowledge it.

V: How do we know each other then?

K: We saw each other for a while.

V: That’s very descriptive, thank you .

K: Ok… Why do you have an attitude right now? Stop being cranky.

V: How do we know each other?

K: We were friends… With benefits? That doesn’t feel right.

V: Why didn’t we date?

K: I don’t know how to answer that.

V: Why?

K: I don’t know, V! It’s not a question I can answer.

V: You’re not going to hurt my feelings, dude. Chill out.

K: Because there were a lot of reasons, mainly I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have dated me.

V: That’s not true. We met at a weird time, but later I probably would have. Also, you never wanted to date me.

K: Why would you say that?

V: … Ok I’m not the one… I’m going to pause.

[pause so we can argue for a few minutes]

V: I don’t think you would have cheated on me but I do think you would have been miserable.

K: I don’t cheat at all though.

V: What? You ALWAYS cheated on your girlfriends.

K: They we’re never technically my girlfriends then.

V: Ok, your honor. He’s getting off on a technicality.

K: *Snorts* I mean, yeah.

V: I want to go back to my first question.

K: During the first part of this interrogation? That’s what this feels like.

V: [K] we can stop, but you keep dodging.

K: I will never care about the things you care about. You drove me insane with that.

V: Like politics?

K: We fucking agreed on politics! It just wasn’t my whole life.

V: I’m seriously not even THAT political and we disagreed on a lot. Like… That one thing I’m not going to say here.

K: You don’t think you’re THAT political?

V: I’m not insane! It doesn’t consume my life. I just acknowledge the realities of the system.

K: I don’t think I cared about anything the way you care about something… Like even small things in your life. I don’t have those feelings.

V: Why not?

K: I don’t know. I did when I was younger. I think it was probably the military.

V: Oh snap. You acknowledged it.

K: Dude, don’t be a bitch.

V: You cared about me.

K: That was easy though… We were better friends.

V: Were we friends?

K: No.

V: I think we tried to be. For a long time you really were my best friend. It just got hard.

K: …

V: …

K: Why are we doing this?

V: This was a bad idea.

K: Yeah but it’s ok. Just keep going.

V: Were we in love?

K: For a while.

V: Really?

K: You disagree?

V: I remember… It doesn’t matter.

K: What?

V: The rooftop thing. I had to withdraw for a while because I realized how much I loved you.

K: … Are you fucking serious?

V: Yes… Huh?

K: Conveniently when I had a girlfriend.

V: Ha! She WAS your girlfriend.

[Yeah… There’s a gap here, I’m redacting]

V: Dear God, can I record again?

K: I said yes!

V: How did you know I was going to get married?

K: What?

V: The second to last time we hooked up you told me I was going to get married.

K: What?

V: At my apartment.

K: I didn’t say that.

V: You did, I don’t care if you believe it.

K: Did you write about the actual last time?

V: No, it hurts too much.

K: That’s kind of fucked up. You should write about it.

V: It’s been like 8 years.

K: Weren’t you proposed to a few times?

V: What?

K: Your marriage question.

V: Yeah.

K: So like… it was obvious. It was a matter of time.

V: Yeah but [husband] wasn’t just the next dude. You’re belittling it.

K: Honestly, that’s not what I meant, V. Come on! That was hard btw.

V: What?

K: I wish he wasn’t… You don’t see why that’s hard?

V: I don’t.

K: Alright.

V: Do you know how many of your girlfriends I got close to?

K: I did that with your boyfriends too!

V: So what? Because I was going I marry him? That’s why it was hard?

K: Yes. I knew you were going to marry him when I met him and… It was really easy for you to close a chapter. A little too easy.

V: …

K: … Right?

V: I actually cried about it for weeks.

K: That’s bullshit.

V: It’s not! I was… It’s hard because I was falling in love but it wasn’t easy to just… I don’t want to say anything disrespectful to him.

K: Then don’t. I don’t really want to hear about it.

V: You didn’t come to our wedding.

K: Shocking yeah.

V: You should have been there. My best friend should have been there.

K: I know.

V: …

K: …

V: Ok.

K: I… I don’t have to explain this. I don’t think of you anymore

V: … Why exactly did you feel the need to say that? Naturally. Obviously.

K: I just…

V: Want to talk about sex?

K: *Groans*

V: What the hell?

K: Nothing I just feel like enough of my life is on the internet, but yeah, let’s talk about sex.

V: Jesus. I guess not. Do you want to talk about why I started sex blogging?

K: … I wrote about it for my PHD.

V: Yeah.

K: Ok. What exactly do you want to talk about? How I used to fuck you?

V: What? Yeah sure. That’ll do it.

K: Yeah. You’d let me do basically everything I wanted so we fucked a lot. You were a slut.

V: Wow.

K: What?

V: I’m fairly certain you’ve never thrown that in my face. That stung.

K: Viola… Sweetheart, I was kidding. Why are you crying?

V: I don’t know. I feel like you’re mad at me. But like, even when you were mad you never even joked like that. I always felt like… Your equal. Are you mad?

K: A little…

V: Ok. You have no right. You wrote about it too!

K: Not like you did.

V: It’s your fucking dissertation, asshole.

K: So what?

V: It’s the same thing!

K: Why would it possibly bother you?

V: Because this entire interview is making you sound like a fucking asshole. And I’ve spent so much time defending why you’re not.

K: Why?

V: BECAUSE I DO NOT THINK YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE.

K: Honestly? I didn’t think I’d end up another person you’ve fucked on your blog. One of the boys you’ve fucked before or whatever.

V: … What?

K: I thought… It was 5 years.

V: 3.

K: 4… I thought we were not that flippant. You say in almost every story about me how I was undatable and you ever even CONSIDERED me that way.

V: [K]… Do you seriously think that’s all we were?

K: Should we start over?

V: No, but I won’t post this if you don’t want me to.

K: I’m sorry.

V: I feel like an imposter sometimes.

K: Why?

V: How do you explain us?

K: How do YOU explain us?

V: You were my best friend.

K: V…. That’s not how you explain it.

V: I’m sorry then how do you?

K: I’ve been to therapy.

V: Good for you. Then explain it. Also, so have I. I’ve also been to therapy.

K: I thought I had to get everything perfect for you.

V: That wasn’t it.

K: What?

V: I’m not insane.

K: Seriously?

V: Are we actually going to have this talk because it’s not my fault you moved here.

K: No it’s not. I never said it was.

V: Grow the fuck up.

K: V… I’m the one sounding like an asshole?

V: I really hate you sometimes.

K: No you don’t.

[Both laugh]

V: I do miss you as my best friend.

K: You sure about that?

V: Yes.

K: I think you forget the bad parts of our friendship.

V: How?

K: You [redacted] and [redacted] with me. I watched it. You were so sad for a while.

V: That had nothing to do with you.

K: You didn’t even see it and I believe that. You’re that kind of person who never sees stuff like that… And no, that’s not a dig. I mean that you see good in people.

V: …I think you sometimes see everyone and everything as bad.

K: Most people are disappointing. You don’t do those things now. You’re happy. I get why he makes you happy. I’m not stupid.

V: I’m a different person now. You were a different person.

K: We were the same people. I destroyed you.

V: You didn’t. I think we did hurt each other.

K: Like YOU destroyed ME? No you didn’t. If anything you were a good influence.

V: You shouldn’t call another girl at night when you have a girlfriend. I stunted you. You didn’t have to get close to anyone because I was there.

K:.. What was I supposed to say?

V: Please don’t act like we were a love lost.

K: I’m the asshole then.

V: What? Of course not. Where did that come from?

K: What did you expect?

V: …

K: … Ok.

V: Can you sexualize me now?

K: what?

V: …

K: Because you blog about sex?

V: What am I like in bed?

K: She’s horrible.

V: They won’t believe you.

[Both laugh]

K: We had good sex.

V: You can’t talk about our sex life beyond that?

K: Honestly? No. And it’s not because I’m in love with you or a sex addict… Thanks for writing that by the way. It’s just hard for reasons I can’t explain here.

V: Ok.

K: I mean… We um, we had sex a lot. I think more frequent than any partner I had. And like… Ok, to be honest I thought something was wrong with me until I met you. It was actually very cool how I could tell you my fantasies. They never scared you.

V: Some of them did…

K: What? Really? You NEVER let on. I want to know what scared you.

V: Um… Like… You’re huge. It’s scary having someone three times my size explain how they’d like to chain you up like a sex slave and… Some other things you said in bed. I knew you wouldn’t hurt me, but I was really young and it felt… It took some adjusting.

K: What’s the weirdest thing I said in bed?

V: Weirdest or hottest?

K: Both and I’ll tell you yours. You say weird shit when you’re fucking.

V: So I’ve been told. Um… The weirdest was… This is going to make you sound like a psycho.

K: It’s that bad?

V: You said you wanted to break my legs so you could fuck me like your sex tou when you wanted… Wait! Don’t freak out!

K: Oh that is so much worse than I thought! I’m so sorry.

V: [K]… I was really into you! And being degraded. Don’t be sorry. Ok and the hottest was just your general anger when I enjoyed it. You once… Our poor waitress.

K: You’re avoiding it…

V: Yes! Ok? You once choked me through my climax and told me the only reason you “let” me orgasm is because it feels better for you… And then… Fuck that was hot… You said I was a selfish little slut who was going to learn to behave. I was a very good girl after that.

K: Damn.

V: Yeah.

K: That did it for you? You are a fucking slut.

V: Dont… Do that.

K: Call you a slut? I meant it like when you liked it…

V: In your sex voice. Don’t do that.

K: Ok! Ok. Sorry, old habits. Alright… The weirdest thing you said was when you told me you wanted me to fuck you in the ass with something that would make you bleed. The hottest was when you would beg to deep throat me. Oh shit! When you cried for my dick while edging…

V: I forgot about that.

K: When I… I didn’t know about your um, condition.

V: Explain what you mean because I sound like a freak now.

K: If you’re edged or denied sex for two long, you get physically ill. When I didn’t let you touch yourself for too long and you had a breakdown.

V: Yeah, that’s not normal.

K: Nothing we did was normal, V.

V: I’m going to challenge that. Our sex life wasn’t unhealthy.

K: You’re confusing unhealthy with consensual.

V: …What?

K: You… Our sex was consensual and we had good communication about it, but it’s not normal to physically hurt each other the way we did.

V: Being different isn’t bad. Just because we weren’t normal doesn’t mean it’s bad.

K: …I don’t know.

V: Did it mess with you?

K: I didn’t like when we role played. There was a moment you looked genuinely terrified and it… I hated to think… I knew you were reliving some shit.

V: [K]… Honey. I knew I could have stopped you. I like… that wasn’t traumatic for me. Honey, stop looking sad! I begged for it.

K: Ok, when you sent me the profile that was the first thing I searched and I felt sick when I saw the title.

V: I wish I hadn’t posted that actually. It’s irresponsible sometimes… The things I write.

K: Can I just say you got a couple of things wrong?

V: Like what?

K: I was a KID, V! Our age gap is only four years. I wasn’t like 50 Shades corrupting a virgin. We were experimenting TOGETHER. You were a lot of firsts.

V: I think it’s pretty clear you didn’t corrupt me. I had had rough sex before. I had done BDSM shirt

K: Also, I don’t know if we were like a TRUE BDSM couple.

V: What? You don’t think we had a dom/sub thing?

K: It was all roleplay.

V: That’s all BDSM is. I mean otherwise…

K: No like, apart from like not letting you touch yourself when I wasn’t there, that dynamic wasn’t there when we weren’t fucking. You didn’t give me control of your finances or shit like that.

V: …That’s your definition of a sub?

K: I don’t have a definition. We never actually defined that, you know? You got that part wrong too. I didn’t call you my sub. I just… controlled your sex life.

V: That is 100% BDSM. I forget you don’t like labels…

K: Jesus, woman! This again?

V: Ok, youve fucked a lot of dudes, honey. Like… More than a lot of women.

K: It… Gets lonely in the dessert.

V: You fucked men before the military…

K: Why do you have to have this?

V: I don’t know… I think because you are and your inability to say it is something toxic ingrained.

K: V… Have you ever known me to give a shit about that? If I was I’d say it. I just don’t feel the need. Sometimes I did need sex though and-

V: -That! That’s not the way straight people would respond to that. They’d like, pay for it probably?

K: I have paid for it. Don’t fucking look at me like that. She worked independently.

V: I think it’s impossible to know that for sure.

K: That’s not very sex positive of you.

V: [K] I know this fucking story! You know my feelings about it.

K: And I think you’re wrong.

V: I think you’re avoiding the subject.

K: Do you think I’m gay?

V: …I do not think you’re straight and I think you avoid calling yourself queer because that would mean… You’d have to admit that maybe-

K: -I couldn’t be in a relationship with a guy.

V: There’s a word for that.

K: What?

V: People who have sex with both genders but can only be romantic with one.

K: Woman! There is a word for everything! We don’t have to use said words! Oh my god, are you exhausted all the time?

V: Do you remember… Forget it.

K: When I broke your nose?

V: When you established the “no alcohol” rule. I’m crying right now…

K: I was like, “Yep, I’m going to jail if we go to the hospital. This is how I get locked up abroad.”

V: I would have gone alone.

K: Psssh, I wouldn’t have let you go alone, woman! I’m not going to break someone’s nose during sex and then like… leave them at a hospital in a foreign country.

V: That was SO BAD.

K: You passed out when I set it. Your eyes were so black after. Everyone gave me dirty looks for like two weeks after that when we went out.

V: Everyone at my work thought I was getting abused.

K: Oh geez… I kind of considered leaving the country. I’m not kidding. I was afraid someone was going to call the police.

V: We would have just explained that I’m a freak who begged you for it.

K: Likely story. Jesus Christ. You know you’re the only girl I had that rule with. MOST people know their limits, my dear.

V: Wait, talk more about my limits.

K: Do your followers not know you have no concept of physical limits? God, you were so fucking tough to dom. I’d have to monitor your breathing. TWICE, V. You passed out twice! What is wrong with you?

V: So… Did you know that’s actually a PTSD thing? Like that part of your brain shuts off? I don’t feel fear the way most people do.

K: Huh… I wonder if like, my thing…

V: You’ve never unpacked that? Of course it is. You’re not a violent person. And like… Even in bed it wasn’t violent. More controlled.

K: What do you mean?

V: I don’t think you got off on hurting me. I think you got off on controlling me.

K: Ok, you are indeed an exceptionally fun person to control.

V: really? Why?

K: Because like, you’re accomplished. You were doing all these things in real life and then you were in my bed crying for me to spank you. It was… Fuck it was hot.

V: What?

K: Oh man, I just felt super powerful. Also, I don’t think it was control, really. It was more like, I got off to what you’d LET me do. I like what women will LET me do them generally. I don’t even really like anal, I just like it when people will let me fuck their ass.

V: People eh?

K: Yes?

V: People, not women.

K: Are you different with women?

V: Nice pivot, Boo. Um… No. Not in the way I think you’re asking.

K: You’ve never switched?

V: I switched with you.

K: Did you?

V: Want to read about it?

[Pause]

K: Holy shit. I DESTROYED your ass after that. Like, when we switched back. I remember having to get you an ice pack.

V: You don’t remember what else you did?

K: I do…

V: That was cruel.

K: You don’t want to say it?

V: I actually never wrote about it because it was so degrading. You fucked my ass and edged me with a vibrator while you were inside of me. You like… You made me out my face on the floor. I think I licked up your spit.

K: I made you pulse too… And I watched you in the mirror.

V: Oh geez, yeah. Fuck. Every time I closed my eyes you um… choked me.

K: With a leash. I choked you wish a leash. One of the few times I straight up put a collar on you.

V: I started crying.

K: Did you use a safeword?

V: No. You kept asking if I needed one.

K: Stubborn fucking slut.

V: Oh wait, I did! When um, you tried to go ass to mouth .

K: Is that like, you’re only hard limit?

V: I don’t do piss and shit. Or anything with blood.

K: I don’t either. I think that’s why it never came up.

V: And like, do you remember before?

K: My failed fisting.

V: You we’re so pissed! It’s physically impossible for me to be fisted.

K: …I doubt that. You were just…

V: …Just say it. I don’t care.

K: You were extremely turned on. That was by far the most entertaining part about getting rough with you. Even when I’d let you get mad, you’d be so wet.

V: I don’t remember you ever letting me get mad, Mr. “Attitude check.”

K: I forgot about that… I really liked beating the little brat out of you. Fuck, when you got really good at being submissive and you would just like… Like JUMP when I gave an order.

V: Yuuup. I was certainly enthusiastic about being degraded.

K: I’m not even kidding, it was actually really sweet.

V: THAT was sweet?

K: You really, really cared about, like, meeting my needs.

V: It was honestly your only healthy outlet.

K: Yours too. I love in that story that you claimed you didn’t smoke. You little liar.

V: I didn’t smoke… That much.

K: You drank too much with me.

V: Yeah. That part always scared me. Not like, you were going to get drunk and hurt me, but I was afraid you’d hurt yourself. When you told me you didn’t want to live long.

K: Why are you tearing up?

V: Because I love you. Despite everything, I love you so fucking much.

K: I love you so fucking much too. I miss you.

V: I like, really miss you in my life.

K: Are you sure about that?

V: Ok. Whatever.

K: I made your life extremely difficult. You don’t miss that.

V: I mean this sincerely, I miss my best friend. I miss being able to text someone when [redacted] and [redacted]

K: That’s all we were to each other.

V: What?

K: Coping.

V: No. I didn’t feel that way. I loved being around you… Maybe I worried you kept me around for sex.

K: You never felt that way. Don’t do that. I’ll have a real talk with you, but don’t do that.

V: What?

K: I fucking hated when you did that. You treated us as a joke. You treated me as a joke. You would say things like I kept you around for sex because you wanted to downplay what it was… and it was a really shitty thing to say actually. I wouldn’t do that to someone, and you purposefully cast me in that light.

V: Ok. I never did not. Did it really never occur to you how hard it was for me to spend YEARS being with you and not being with you?

K: Seriously? No. I think you forget how fucking cold you were back then. I’m really glad you didn’t meet [your husband] earlier because you were fucked up too, V. I say that with love.

V: He changed me.

K: You had already changed. No one fucking changed you. I know because you’re exactly like me in a lot of ways, and that’s one of theme

V: What validation are you looking for right now?

K: I need absolutely no validation from you. I learned that a fucking long time ago.

V: Why are you being like this? We’re so far from this.

K: Ok fine. Was I the best sex you ever had?

V: …No. TBH, you’re pretty far up there. I won’t ask with you. I don’t want to know.

K: You were pretty far up there. Is that ALL it was to you? You liked how I fucked?

V: No.

K: So what happens now? You post this and we don’t talk for 4 years?

V: … You know it was my choice, right? Weirdly enough he supported us. He said it was hard but he could endure it.

K: What part was hard?

V: The dark parts. He didn’t really care about our sexual history.

K: The dark parts…

V: Please don’t pretend you don’t know.

K: But we stopped talking.

V: It’s not fair to him.

K: That’s bullshit.

V: We’ll be friends again one day.

K: Doubtful.

V: Everyone is friends with me again eventually. I’m very charming.

K: Why not now?

V: it’s not fair.

K: Can I ask you something? What if he reads this?

V: My husband? I’ll read this interview to him later. He knows we’re together. I tell him every time I see you. You know that.

K: Seriously?

V: If I said tomorrow I needed to talk to you everyday again he’d probably support it.

K: Damn it. I fucking wish I could hate him.

V: Yeah, he’s that kind of person.

K: You shouldn’t have cut me off.

V: You shouldn’t have almost kissed me… that’s not even the reason.

K: Then why?

V: When something good or bad happened to me, I texted you immediately. When I felt sick, angry, or happy, I texted you… We were too close.

K: I take issue with that narrative.

V: Why?

K: Because I wasn’t even your best friend. You had like 12 people. I was one of many.

V: I was your best friend. You were mine.

K: ok.

V: That’s not how you saw yourself? You were incredibly special to me.

K: Yeah. Did you cut all of them off?

V: What do you want me to say? Our sexual history was a factor? Of course it was. Don’t be obtuse.

K: Then ACKNOWLEDGE IT. Say it was all about sex.

V: Yes [K]! We had tension! That was a contributing factor! If you want me to say that’s all we were though, I won’t! You were my fucking best friend! We didn’t fuck for three years and I texted you everyday. How the fuck do you explain that?

K: … Ok. Do you think it’s normal to text someone for three years?

V: It wasn’t healthy! The sexual tension was one thing, but the two of us, as friends, were not healthy.

K: I KNOW, OK?

V: WHY ARE YOU MAD AT ME THEN? I’m not mad, but you were always fucking other people and you still are!

K: WHY DOES THAT BOTHER YOU?

V: Itbwas exhausting. I mean… The amount of STD checks to even fuck you. And then the emotional aspect. It was so hard, honey. I loved you, but I was so tired! Do you get it?

K: Yes, we were horrible.

V: So do you have any good memories of our relationship?

K: What?

V: Do you have any good memories of us?

K: You’re being serious? Yes.

V: Could you possibly name a few?

K: …I really liked when you got me flowers, ok? It was sweet.

V: That was your best memory?

K: What was yours?

V: … I don’t know now.

K: Seriously?

V: I feel pressure to say something non sexual now.

K: Do you see how that’s fucked up?

V: Ok… do you honestly know what it was? It was when you flew out when I lost moot court.

K: Oh.

V: Yeah. I didn’t even knew you were paying attention or cared. And I had barely mentioned it and downplayed how bummed I was.

K: Of course I cared! You just wouldn’t see it. You compared me to Don Draper, for Christ’s sake. I don’t know why you pretend I was some asshole to you.

V: BECAUSE WE ALWAYS DO THIS! We fight…

[We took a break]

K: If I had met your husband in a different circumstance I’d have set you up with him.

V: What?

K: I’m just saying he cares about the things you care about. When I met him I knew you’d marry him.

V: Me too.

K: Are you crying?

V: No.

K: I think we should stop recording.

V: Yes, but this isn’t finished.

K: Who the fuck cares, V?

V: You’re right. Before I turn it off… You meant a lot to me. And… I think I write about you so much BECAUSE we had something deeper than sex. My connection to you comes out in my writing.

K: I know.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/10kf9vl/that_interview_i_swore_would_never_happen_fm