Our First Threesome Failed Spectacularly. Video. [FFM].

Story from my wife’s perspective: http://relationshipgoalsxxx.com/the-other-l-fail-1/

I married a unicorn.

One of the first things that I learned about my wife in our early sexual exploration was that she enjoyed sex with women, enjoyed group sex, and was more than willing to engage in these activities with me.

For the first few years of our relationship, FFM threesomes were often the subject of pornography that we’d watch together excitedly. Ultimately, that progressed to us setting up accounts on OKCupid and Tinder to begin searching for a potential third.

This process would start and stop a few times over the years, owing to real life getting in the way of sexual bucket list items.

The closest we’ve ever come to a successful threesome happened just last week, and while it ended in dramatic (and hilarious) fashion, it provided us with a week of intense sex, much of which had an audience, and a great story to tell.

Bored at work one day, I installed Tinder (after deleting all previous matches) on my phone and began swiping. I matched on someone who I had matched with previously, a friend of some friends, and we began exchanging messages.

On Tinder, this girl was unbelievably cute. Physically, I’d describe her photos as, “thicc emo librarian.” In terms of our initial messages, she seemed pretty cool, honest about her intentions, and shared some hobbies, art, and entertainment pursuits with my wife, myself, and the both of us as a couple.

I excitedly get home and tell my wife that I’d matched with someone, that she seemed interested in both of us, and showed her some photos. There seemed to be interest all around, so we decided that we should move to group chat to see if there was any sort of chemistry.

To say that initial messages between the three of us went well would be a dramatic understatement. It quickly progressed from playful flirting and “get-to-know-you” talk to full blown sexting. Laura and I were sending her videos of us in all sorts of scenarios, both solo and together. Our potential third would reciprocate with videos of her masturbating, shower shots of her ass, and audio of herself cumming.

We’d agreed to get together the following week, do the standard, “I guess you won’t kill me,” date for ice cream, and then potentially go back to her place.

In the days leading up to our date, Laura and I had some of the best sex of our marriage. When we weren’t at work, we were fucking. When we weren’t eating, my tongue was working over my wife’s clit or up her ass. My cock was down her throat for entire episodes of whatever was playing on Netflix in the background. All the while, we’d be exchanging sexy texts, photos, and videos with our new friend.

One of the videos we sent: https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5925d67e46ce8

The day of our date, it was all but decided that we were going to be fooling around with this woman. She had some obvious insecurities and had mentioned a few times that she might just want to watch us the first time and join in as she became more comfortable (something we were totally okay with, and encourage any potential future partners to speak up like this), but based on our conversations, it was going to be a really fun evening.

I spent the day with a confusing mix of emotions. I was excited to explore a new sexual boundary, and excited for certain scenarios we’d all discussed playing out. I was nervous about performance and interacting with a new person. I was hard all day with anticipation.

As our meeting time approached, we received a text that she was having a bad day, and that she’d like to postpone for a few hours. Instead of grabbing an ice cream cone, we were just going to go over to her house and have a few drinks.

On the short drive over, we discussed turning back, and agreed that we were into this, wherever it went. We listened to Comeback Kid and some other songs to get psyched. After a short construction detour, we found her place – immediately taken back by the size of her home – we’re poor and it was huge.

We knocked on the door and she answered… only she was a woman who we wouldn’t recognize had it not been for the prominent body modifications that matched those of the woman we’d been exchanging photos and videos with. I say this not to body shame another person (in fact, we knew going in that she was bigger – and we dig that!), but to say that this woman knew how to work angles and contrast to the point where even her facial features looked completely different than her photos.

As she invited us in, my wife and I exchanged glances indicating that we agreed something was off, but we pushed on, settling together on her couch. After some uncomfortable small talk about furniture, some judgmental comments directed at us about our cats, and some disagreeable discussion about the new episodes of MST3K our host offered us a drink – one that was a very necessary ice breaker.

She came back with two drinks, handing one to my wife and one to me, with an excuse that she’d recently quit drinking. Giant red flag, I know… but by this point shit was so awkward that it was either take the drink and try to find a way bow out gracefully or run.

I’m too nice.

Things did seem to mellow as we enjoyed our drinks and talked… though I made mental note that my ginger ale & whiskey was extraordinarily weak (by the standards of someone who drinks maybe once a month) and the ginger ale was flat. At one point while describing a terrible date she’d recently had, she used the opportunity to move closer to me on the couch, making sure that I felt her breasts on my arm.

I looked over to my wife and she’s downing her drink impressively fast, indicating to me that she was getting really uncomfortable. I silently agreed.

Thankfully, that’s when things got really weird.

Our host’s phone buzzed, indicating a text message, which she checked (which is rude on a first date, however, this was extremely awkward already, and she had a child – so you know, always on call), immediately freaking out.

She’d said that it was from her ex, who she co-parents with, and that he was saying some crazy things. She attempted to ignore further messages, but began to obsessively check her phone, claiming that she was receiving text messages from her own phone number, and then started to really freak out.

She’d started asking us for help, though not specifying the type of help that she was asking for. We both offered to leave and check up on her later… she agreed, but then kept making comments indicating that she’d like us to stay… by that point, my wife’s nails were bone-deep into my hand, indicating that it was time to go and that this adventure needed to end.

We excused ourselves immediately, her apologizing profusely as she’s following us out of her house, us increasing our pace toward the car.

We got into the car and headed towards home in silence for a few minutes, until one of us breaks the silence, “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?” As we discussed what had just happened, I learned that Laura’s drink was EXTREMELY strong and that she was feeling buzzed.

We got home that evening and smoked ourselves stupid, while discussing the possibilities of what had really happened…

Was the disparity in drink strength intentional?
If so, what was her end game?
If so, why did she immediately start freaking out after giving one of us a really strong drink?
Did something legit crazy actually happen to her, or was she trying the “OMG emergency text” method of ghosting us?
Does this woman have a doppelgänger with very similar body modifications?

So, suffice to say, our first threesome failed miserably.

Next time, we’ll be more careful.

That being said, we’re into emo/punk/goth women of all body types who like books, pit bulls, weed, pro wrestling, and binging Netflix… get at us on Craigslist.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/6d5eli/our_first_threesome_failed_spectacularly_video_ffm