First story [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/875jrg/or_we_could_just_yknow_fuckmf)
Second story [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/8db765/im_tired_are_we_going_to_fuck_or_should_i_sort)
A few days later.
It was late. I was walking home in the cold with a bag a goodies from my dealer after a shitty week. Naturally, I’d stopped off for a couple on my way there, a couple on my way back and a couple for good luck. I was tipsy. It was an achievement, considering he only lived a ten minute walk away.
The plan was simple. Order Chinese, get stoned as fuck and do my very best not to tug one out. Conscious conservation. I’d been saving myself, just in case. As I approached my building I saw her, standing in the stoop, waiting. A broad, involuntary smile spread across my face.
The usual story. It was late, she’d missed her bus, her phone was dead. She was shivering. I was her savior, yet again. I swear I was practically hard with anticipation as we climbed the stairs. I had expectations, whether I wanted them or not. Once inside I told her to make herself at home and excused myself. Fucking beer. I had to sit down to piss because of my anticipatory semi.
I found her in the living room, her coat draped over a chair, dressed, for want of a better analogy, like a hooker. A tight top through which her nipples poked, a short skirt that hugged her hips and best of all, knee length fuck-me boots. I’m pretty sure I did that thing that Homer Simpson does when he sees pork chops. James fucking Bond.