Sex has been part of my life for quite some time now. However, I always had an aversion to human contact. I would always shy away from people if they were interested in me. I found masterbation at around 13 years old. I never thought about anyone during so I watched porn instead. From age 13 to 17 I can’t remember a week without masterbating. After a while, being alone with yourself becomes increasingly boring. I had never kissed anyone while in high school and was starting to question my sexuality. As one does in a panic situation, I jumped on the first guy who I thought expressed any interest in me. I finally had my long-awaited first kiss with a guy who had a lisp and looked like an overweight Nazi……However, it gets better. I spent the summer before college working in parking lots and smoking a lot of weed. I made a lot of money, but was constantly stuck in a cloud of sexual energy that I couldn’t get rid of.
Then, I went to college.
My first couple of weeks of college were so different from any environment I was used to. I met lots of people, but the one person that pushed me through the cloud was Henry. The first night we hung out, we went to smoke weed in the forest. It was a great time with lots of buzzing sexual energy in the air. The night would have ended differently if it weren’t for Henry getting sick. So, we hung out again. We didn’t smoke, we just talked for a while watching the sun set on the beach from campus. We sat so close to each other, I knew something had to happen. I finally put my arm over him and put his hand in mine. I had never felt this way about someone before. I was calm and didn’t get that overwhelming feeling of anxiety when we touched. We held hands all the way back to his dorm. We fit perfectly together. As we started to get close to his dorm, he said that we should go somewhere. I couldn’t think in that instance. He looked up this one pathway and said, “so we can do this….” He grabbed me and gave me the most passionate kiss. He ran his hands up and down my body and all of my pent up energy was released. We started walking back to my dorm, me with the biggest smile on my face. In the middle of this hill, we stopped and said our goodbyes. Just as I turned around and started to let go of his hand, we pulled back to each other. We started making out again and all I could picture was a cloud of electricity buzzing around us. I was more than invested in this feeling of pleasure I had never known before.
There was one problem, Henry had a high school girlfriend that he was still with. I never cared about her, but he still did. The next day, I told him that my roommate was going to be gone for a few hours and that he should come over. He probably didn’t expect what happened next. I told him that I did not want to be involved with him sexually while he still had a girlfriend. I felt that I was being an empowered woman at the time and that I had control of the situation. Instead, I was tortured by my urges daily. We kept hanging out and one day as we were saying goodbye, I kissed him on the neck. He really liked that. At this point, nothing was off limits so we could kiss each other and it wouldn’t really matter. One night we went into the forest behind his dorm. We walked down into a valley and I leaned against a tree. We looked into each other’s eyes and started passionately making out. Nothing beyond making out had happened between us yet and we were definitely in the right setting for something sexy. He ran his hands up and down the sides of my body and kept tugging at the bottom of my shirt.
“You know, you keep tugging my shirt….”,I said with a sly grin.
He then slid his hands up my shirt and grabbed my breasts, massaging them over my bra. I started breathing heavily from this and started to get very aroused. I kissed my way up to his ear and nibbled the the top of it. The sounds he made indicated that he was enjoying this very much. I then kissed my way back down to his neck and he let out a slight moan, honestly one of the sexiet things ever. I then went back to his lips. I kissed him slowly then bit down on his lower lip gently and tugged it. He grabbed me even tighter after that and kissed my neck violently. He slid his hand up my inner thigh but quickly darted back to the outside before reaching my crotch. The sensation that ran up my spine after he did that was insane and I couldn’t handle any more.
“I want you”, he whispered while panting.
“I want you too”, I whispered back, finally giving in.
Sadly, we both ended up very tired after all of this and decided that sex in the woods would not be the greatest or the most comfortable. So, he went back to his dorm and so did I, only to furiously masterbate at the thought of the incredible potential of the night.
The next day he told me that we should probably stop hooking up because he still had this girlfriend. So, after all of that pent of sexual energy reached its peak the night before he decided to tell me that we should just be friends. As one can probably imagine, I was horny 24/7 from then on. I masterbated anytime my roommate left the room for 5 minutes. My mind was always only focused on one thing; having sex with Henry. The only solution that came to mind was to try and make myself more provocative to get his attention again. Before this I typically wore T-shirts and yoga pants, not the sexiest outfits you’ve ever seen. I have nice curves so it wasn’t like I never showed off my body but, I decided to take it a step further. I started to wear really short skirts and low cut tops with necklaces that plunged down between my breasts. I felt so sexy all of the time around him but, he never budged.
After about 2 weeks of this, I asked him if he wanted to get really high and sit at our normal bench and just talk. He said sure and we met up that night. We stood under a tree and smoke a couple joints before deciding to walk around campus for a bit while we waited for it to hit us. We got to this tunnel with graffiti and water running down the sides, not super romantic but we were completely alone. In my very high, very horny state I hugged him and thanked him for being my friend. I just kind of hung onto him again, my head on his shoulder, dangerously close to his neck. I just stood there for a few seconds gaining the courage to try and release the tension built up inside of me. Finally, I moved my head and kissed his neck, then I kissed my way to his lips. He pulled away and said that we shouldn’t be doing this. But then, he grabbed me and kissed me hard. He ran his hands all along the curves of my hips and the small of my wait (which felt even more amazing because I was high). He pushed his hands up my shirt and grasped my breast while pushing me against the wall of the tunnel. I was so aroused and couldn’t get enough of this.
All of a sudden, he pulled away and said that we needed to stop. All of that energy turned to rage in that moment for me.
“I don’t want to stop! Why did this have to happen in the first place! Why couldn’t we just have been friends and left it alone???”, I said with a harsh voice.
He calmly explained that he did want to be with me but that he was still in a relationship and he felt that it took priority. I calmed down and understood what he was trying to say, even though I was still angry. We both went home that night super high and slightly confused about our relationship.
We didn’t talk for a while. One of his floormates told me that his girlfriend came to visit and someone told her about me. Eventually, Henry sent me a long text about how we aren’t going to talk again and that he almost lost his “favorite girl” because of me. I understood and just left the situation alone.
After a while I noticed that something was missing from my life. Henry and I saw each other sometimes twice a day for the entire first 3 weeks of college. I missed our jokes and someone to get high with. I kept thinking about him and eventually decided to send him a message.
“Hey so can we be friends again?”
He responded within 20 minutes and was a little apprehensive because he was still with his girlfriend but decided it would be alright. He never really hung out after that, just texted really. I thought everything was fine and that I was over him in general. Alas, this was not the case. I hadn’t learned my lesson yet and still fantasized about him all the time. I decided that I just needed to have sex with him and get all of this STILL pent up energy out of my body for good. So, my plan proceeded by me asking him to come over one night while I knew my roommate was away.
“I have a problem…..and I need your help so I can fix it”, I ask over text.
“Ok, what is it?”
“I can’t tell you right now, why don’t you come over tonight at 7 and I’ll explain.”
“Sure, this is weird but ok”
“I just really need help that’s all.”
“Ok I’ll see you later then” Read more »