What the fuck just happened. My cunt hurts.
Day started out pretty simple, shaved QuarterRican’s asshole for her so she could go on a date later, gave her a quick BJ/HJ 101 on a dildo, maybe did a snuffleupagus impression in her lady folds, sent her on her way. She and I are what happens when cisgender men wake up with vaginas one day, in case you’ve ever wondered. Decided somewhere in there I should randomly throw Adderall in my system, after she left I resigned to spending the day riding my knock off sybian and playing with myself various ways. I like days like today- everything is closed, everybody is doing things with their families, no work, no responsibility, no social obligations. Diddle myself all god damn day, days. Lightbulb, ever since Napsturbate I’ve wanted to continue the make-out assist while I ride my fuck machine- Tinder to the rescue, am I right? Everybody wants to watch a woman ride one in real life, and I’m the slutty Make-A-Wish Foundation. Swipe, swipe, swipe. Yesterday a cute dude my age hits me up send me his Sybian Star Trek fan fiction and I am over the moon he’s messaging me today too. *Note to self: he used the term fan fiction, find out what his fandom is and how deep the nerdy goes. Nerds are my jam, baby. Pro-tip: how someone talks to you online or in person, is pretty much how you can expect them to fuck you. Tone is as important as content. He’s funny, that’s the best sign. Funny dudes are better in bed- I cannot express this enough. How many times have I said this and it’s been true? Nearly every god damn time. I tell him I’m spending the day with bae (torn on naming the fuck machine Saddam Pussein, or Muammar Get-off-e… either way, needs a mustache,) in bed. He asks if I’d allow an audience, DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER! Of course, but you have to make-out with me; nobody get’s a free show. Throw him my phone number, he texts me, I send him my address. Now I need to hustle and clean up my house because he’s on the way right meow. Our online interaction was very, very brief but I had only considered we’d suck face while I had a big ol’ orgasm on my adult choo choo. Read more »