I am proud to say that I never was particularly ashamed of my sexuality in general. On the contrary, typically for a slightly ignorant kid, I felt above those I deemed as being subjugated and repressed. While my girlfriends were terrified of being labeled a slut, I was genuinely distasted by their train of thoughts.
“I am going to do exacly what I want, when I want it, and how I want it!“
— 18-year-old me.
I’m not this overconfident now, by the way. A mistress or not – life teaches you humility. It is not to say that I valued being sexually adventurous in itself. I simply never accepted making the sacrifice of something so innocent and natural in the name of outdated beliefs that were intended to control women.
Make sure no one finds out what kind of porn you watch
All this showoff rebellion was only up to a point. I was not fully aware of what femdom or being a Mistress is yet, but the inclination was growing. While venturing through pornhub categories I’d often watch BDSM videos. Usually of maledom type, since this is always what you find first. I’d always reimagine the scene with roles reversed, though. It wasn’t long before I learned what pegging is, and that’s when I started being embarrassed about my kink.