Trust is not one thing, it’s many.
The way you trust a friend.
The way you trust family.
The way you trust a lover.
The way you trust a guy to tie you up, naked, and hurt you. The way you trust him to please you. The way you trust him to stop.
But all those trusts and all of intimacy is nothing compared to aftercare.
Aftercare is the thing that happens when you look at someone and say “My soul is hurting, please heal it”
My soul.
After two days of being denied and berated… after two years of being hurt and empty… my soul is broken. It’s not just my heart or my mind, you see? It’s not just feelings or logic. It’s something else… something deeper.
Something deep in me is bleeding so hard it’s translating into tears falling down my cheeks.
Help me.
Heal me.
And that he does.
“Tessie! What happened?” he looks worried. Of course he does, I must have a swollen face and tears all over.
“Trev?” I hesitate, standing at his door “You know… y-you know how you always say that this kink takes its toll on us, even when we don’t notice?” 
Please, don’t deny me right now.
“God, Tess, baby” he sounds so good, tears fall harder “Come here, sweetheart”.
I come.
He holds me.
Help me.
Heal me.
He kisses me.
The kiss I’ve been asking for days. The kiss I’ve been afraid to admit I’ve been dreaming about.
It’s better than I remember.
I guess we never kissed all that much two years ago.
I kiss him back. I give him my lips and my tongue and my heart.
You’d think he’d keep me close and reassure me. Instead, he chooses to undress me. But… He’s the expert, right? Take care of me.
It happens slow… Trevor takes off all my clothes and all of his, like he’s done so many times before. And yet this time, it’s different. There’s no sex in his movements, there is no… naughtiness. It’s so strange, to have a man take off all your clothes and have it not be about sex. I don’t think I have ever been undressed like this before: with such gentle care.
“Here” he whispers, warm and quiet “Let’s get this out of the way”.
He strips me of everything like an Egyptian priest about to bathe his Goddess. There is adoration in every single one of his moves. Devotion. His body is always hunched and leaning towards mine, not in his usual dominant you-belong-to-me ways but in a peaceful I-belong-to-you stance. His head is bowed, his movements are slow. Caressing me as my clothes fall off piece by piece.
A quick peck on my shoulder. A slow kiss on my cheek.
We are both completely naked, holding each other so sweetly I keep having to remind myself to open my eyes. Our noses brushing together. I want another kiss.
“Come with me?” his fingertips keep sliding up and down my back. Up. “I’m gonna give you a shower, hm?” and down.
I nod with a shy little smile and he kisses my cheek and my brow before pressing his nose against mine like he is trying to kiss me with nothing but it.
There is something about noses, isn’t there? They aren’t as intense as lips, but they build up tension like little else.
It’s like when something bad happens but you don’t wanna cry in front of others. You are so sad, you feel your nose burn and your eyes water but you hold it in. You keep holding it in until you are alone and then you can hold no more. Tears burst out uncontrollably.
Noses are the same.
I want to kiss him. I want to kiss him so bad my nose burn and my eyes water, but I couldn’t do it in front of others so I had to hold it in. And I did! Until the noses touch. His forehead is pressed against mine and our noses brush by each other like lovers of their own.
I am naked.
He is naked.
I am only faintly aware of my wetness or his hardness.
I forget about pussies and cocks and tits and ass. All I feel are our noses.
I breath in and smell him.
If you could bottle up Trevor’s natural scent, it would work as female Viagra. He smells like a man. Like a hard fucking man who can build you a house out of rocks and hunt you a lion for supper before fucking you until your knees go numb.
I slide my nose down to his neck and breathe him in.
He smells of salt. Water.
He smells of denied kisses and painful clamps.
He smells of cuddles under the blanket and stolen smiles.
I want another kiss.
“Trev?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“K…”
But I don’t have to ask anymore. His mouth covers mine and his tongue is so gentle that (by this kiss alone) you’d never guess he is a sadistic dominant.
In my mouth, he feels vanilla.
He feels like the guy you marry after dating since high school.
And… I like it?
I didn’t think I was into this anymore.
For the last two years I thought I wasn’t into softcore. I thought pain and punishments were my kinks. Turns out I was wrong: apparently, all I’m into is Trevor.
Trevor is my kink.
He rubs his thumbs on my cheeks while the kiss goes on and on, and for the life of me I don’t understand why we didn’t do this all the time two years ago.
He must feel the same way cause his kiss never ends. He holds my waist, taking us to the bathroom, tripping over each other if we have to as long as the lips never part. God, I wanna live here forever.
In this bathroom, in this hotel. In these arms.
He takes us both under the running water and it drips into our kiss.
“Is the temperature ok, sweetheart?” he asks, checking the water.
That’s kind of him to worry, but I’m sad the kiss is over.
“A little cold” I snug up to him. I feel so fucking needy, I could trade all my dignity for a really tight hug right now.
He has this sweet boyish giggle.
“What is it with women and boiling water?” he changes the temperature so the water starts running hotter “Jesus Christ, you’ll scald me” he wiggles under the shower like he is terrified of it and it’s so comfortable watching my serious bossy Trev act silly.
I can’t hold back a laughter.
“You laugh now, but you’ll have to drive me to the hospital. Second degree burns, I tell you. Women are crazy”
“Don’t be a baby. This is much better” I put my hair under the stream to make a point and he pulls me in so quick it startles me.
I let out a tiny squeak as he kisses my face, my arms, my neck, my hands.
Kiss me again, Trev. Take my tongue again.
This time, he doesn’t.
Is it possible to be horny and needy just for a kiss?
“Crazy woman. Boiling me like a potato”
“You can wait outside, if you can’t take it”
“No, no” he runs his fingers through my hair and looks at me like he plans to love me forever “It’s worth it”
Those blue eyes. That beard. That smug smile filled with sweetness. 
Oh, God, I’m lost.
“You sure?” I bite him a little bit.
“Yeah. Who needs skin, right?”
My bite on his lip is more than he can handle, he moves his mouth to take mine again and I give it to him. I want another kiss. This one isn’t even done yet and I already want another.
And another.
He pulls me softly under the running water and I press my breasts against his chest.
Intimacy.
He showers me and this word keeps hovering all around me. Intimacy of a different kind. It’s not just sex. It’s not hardcore kink. Giving someone a shower is a different kind of bonding. And I don’t mean having sex under the shower… I mean actually giving someone a shower.
Washing their body. Running your hands over their wet skin. Soaping them up until there’s bubbles.
Trevor is very diligent in his washing. He starts with the shampoo, massaging my scalp so tenderly my head starts to bob all around.
“I don’t use conditioner” he looks around and gets a little white bottle with the hotel logo on it “There’s some of this hotel stuff, but I don’t know girls and their hairs… can I use this?”
“How do you not use conditioner?”
“I’m a boy”
“Boys don’t use cond… nevermind” I laugh and give up “Yeah, you can use that”
He has no idea how to comb through my conditioned hair and it is so fucking adorable to watch him try that I want to bite him.
My tits are wet, naked and available and he barely looks at them. He just bites my smile, looks for my eyes and focus very hardly on whatever it is he is trying to do with my hair. I need to help him towards the end.
“No, no, I got this” he tries to push me away, but… trust me: he does not get this.
Our fingers intertwine as we collectively try to run them through my hair and he keeps stealing kisses here and there, to the point where I’m smiling like a fool.
“My turn” I get the shampoo bottle but he resists me.
“No, tonight we just take care of you” he strokes my hair and I just wanna move my whole life to this point in time and space and never ever leave.
“But I want to”
“You want to?”
I want to wash your hair.
I want to shower you.
I want to kiss you.
I don’t ask anymore.
I lean in and Trevor smiles, waiting for my eager lips. Waiting for me to be in charge for a change. I put my arms around him, holding in place so I can kiss him long and hard. So I can taste him slowly, killing this thirst I’ve been feeling for two years.
“Please, can I?” I’m as sweet as he is. As loving as he is. Felling his lips on my lips and his tongue on my tongue and his soul on my soul. 
Trevor gets lost in it, just like me. Maybe more. Moving his head to get more and more of my tongue. He closes his eyes to feel me and never opens them back up even after I let go of the kiss.
“Can I?” I ask again.
He nods, eyes still closed, like he is only vaguely aware of what my question is.
“You can do whatever you want to me” he whispers, out of breath, and it doesn’t sound like a permission. It sounds like a prayer. Like a confession.
He needs to keep on leaning and hunching so I can properly shampoo and wash his hair and by the time I’m done, we’re both laughing.
“No conditioner right?” I ask.
“No. Makes my hair oily”
“Oily?” I laugh.
He nods so many times, like a cute little smart ass, getting closer and closer with every nod until the nods are making our noses collide.
He gives me a kiss. A quick one.
I need more.
God, I’m addicted.
Then it’s the soaps.
His. On my body.
Mine. On his body.
He watches me wash him. Caressing my hands and arms as they work. Kissing the very tip of my nose.
Why couldn’t I have met you in a bar somewhere?
On Tinder or a friend in common?
Why did it have to be like this?
“To the bathtub” he decides after we are both soap-clean. I didn’t even notice he was filling it up, but there you go!
There’s hot water and deliciously smelling bubbles. He goes in first so I can lay on his chest and remember when I said I never wanter to leave the bathroom? Well, I’d like to be specific: I never want to leave this bathtub.
He hugs me and kisses the top of my head.
“How are you feeling, baby?”
“I’m better, I’m sorry I showed up like that”
“Tess, don’t apologise” there are some bubbles in my eyebrows and he shoos them away with his fingers “I’m glad you came. Really glad. I could never trust you when it came to aftercare”
“Why not?” I protest.
“Cause you run. Far and often” he kisses the top of my head again and I snuggle on his chest.
“I don’t! I just never needed it before” I run my fingernails down his arm, scratching him very slightly.
“Well, what if I need it?” he whispers, leaning our heads so our noses can go back to their dance.
“You need me to take care of you after you spank and belittle me?” I laugh.
“No… I need to take care of you after I spank and belittle you. I love punishing brat Tess. But I also love this” he hugs me so tight I feel my neediness shrink.
Fuck me, this is good.
This is too good.
I turn on my side so I can sink my nose on his neck while he still cuddles me. Our bodies intertwined, under a blanket of hot water.
“What if I don’t run anymore?”
He sighs and laughs.
“We both know you will”
I can feel his heart beating on my skin.
I don’t want to run anymore.
Fuck it.
“Trev” I stop his laughter with a serious tone. I gulp. I stare at him “What if I don’t run anymore?”
His smile freezes on his face as he understands what I’m trying to say. He touches my face. My hair. Inspecting my eyes. He’s so gentle and at the same time so cautious because he wants this, but he’s afraid to have it be taken away again.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean… what if I don’t run anymore” I hold his shoulders really tight “What would we do?”
His breathing pattern changes. He is staring at me like he is trying to find out if I’m joking. His eyes are so pretty. You never really think about how much life you can see on someone’s eyes until they bright up like Trev’s just now.
“Tess” his voice sounds fragile “Please, don’t play with me. Not on this”
“I’m not playing”
“You’re not?” he holds my face in his hands. Trevor looks like he can’t breath, like I have a chain around his lungs and his only chance for oxygen is if I say the right words and set him free.
“What would we do?” I ask “I mean… your dad, my mom, and…”
“Nothing” he holds me closer “We would do nothing right now” Trevor is large and strong, but at that moment, I wasn’t noticing either of those things. All I could feel was his skin. Not the strength of his muscles or the naughtiness of his touches… All I feel is his skin. He is holding me like he is wrapping me so I can feel his smooth wet skin all around me. His warmth soothing my body better than the hot bath.
“It’s your sister’s wedding in a week. The rest of the family and guests are arriving tomorrow. Neither one of us wants to take attention away from that. So… right now, we do nothing. But next week…” he adds and then a smile melts his face “Next week, you have dinner with me”
“Dinner?”
“Yeah. A proper date” his nose is back on mine. Brushing it, Caressing it. How do people survive this without kissing? I keep leaning my mouth trying to press my lips on his. It feels like a strength of some kind drawing me to him. Like gravity. Like magnetism. Like a black hole of Trevor that will leave no part of Tessa untouched. “You dress up” he pinches my chin “I pick you up and take you to some poorly lit romantic restaurant. Then we go back to my place and…” he shrugs “There will be no pressure. Maybe nothing will happen. But Tess…” his smile is so beautiful. I can’t stop a smile of my own “If something happens, it could be… amazing”
It could.
It really could.
“So… a date?”
“Yeah. A date. And then we see” we are whispering on each other’s smile.
I feel a shiver and he holds me in.
“Don’t be like this” he reads something into my shiver “What’s the worst that can happen? It won’t work out, things between us will be weird and someone will find out? We’re already there!” he points out and he’s not wrong “But if we try it… we can find out if there’s anything worth fighting for”.
It’s my turn to nod like silly until our noses are together again.
“Yeah?” he asks with a sigh of relief. The sigh of a man who really wasn’t expecting the conversation to go that way.
“Yeah. I’ll have dinner with you in a week” I say and he bites my smile, then he kisses it. I close my eyes and I don’t open them, even after the kissing is over.
I understand what he was on about… I’d let him do whatever he wants to me as well.
“One week. Put that on your schedule, Tessa”
“One week!”
“Maybe clear the whole weekend, you know?” his hands slide down my body “Just in case”
“Just a weekend?” I love having his touch on me like this.
“Maybe a month or two” and then he…
How is he doing this?
It’s his attitude. Did you notice it?
Everything about Trevor is sweet right now. Everything. His voice, his tone, his words, his movements, his kisses… Everything except for the Fucking Finger. That one single fucking finger that finds my pussy and teases it.
We are cuddling in a hot bath, being lazy and sweet, talking about having dinner… and yet that finger finds the one sensitive spot in my pussy and flicks.
“I though this was aftercare” I pant.
“It is” do you hear his tone? It’s like I just asked him I though your hair was dark and he said well, it is.
He sounds like the next thing out of his mouth will be “what the hell are you on about?”
But instead, he just keeps quiet. Silently fingering my pussy under the bubbles.
Now… I think it goes without saying but, for good measure, I’ll say it anyway: I am very fucking hot for Trevor. That’s my default mode: He exists near me? I am turned on.
However, I am extremely tired. Not physically, but emotionally. Hell, that’s the whole reason I’m even getting aftercare at all, right? Cause I was feeling so bad I came and asked for it.
“I don’t think I’m in the mood, Trev” I whisper “I don’t think I have the energy to build up to an orgasm right now”
“You’re thinking about it wrong” he kisses me anywhere his lips can get me. His finger is still caressing my clit.
“How so?” Ok, this feels good regardless.
“If you want me to stop, I’ll stop, of course. But this isn’t sex. This is just… touching”. You know in those old movies where the Devil pops up and says it’s just a simple deal? Yeah, they always sound A LOT like Trevor does right about now.
“This touching feels a lot like sex, babe”
He laughs.
“Tess, relax”
“I am. I’m just saying that…”
“No, you’re not relaxed. Your thighs are all tense”
“Well, yeah? You’re fingering me? I might not be in the mood, but I am alive and you have some good fucking fingers”
“Tessa, relax your thighs”
“Trevor, stop touching me and I will”
“Heaven’s sake, woman, will you please do as you’re told once in your life without being threatened with a belt?”
I jokingly sink my elbow in his stomach and he holds me tight. It’s not dominant Trevor… dominant Trevor would have me doing things his way in a second. This is sweet Trevor… he’ll wait.
“I honestly have no idea what you want from me”
He puts his arms around me in such a way that he’s grabbing my tits. Only, he’s not really grabbing them? I have no idea how Trevor does this. There’s contrast to everything he does.
Dominant Trevor is hard as fuck, he talk dirty and intense and yet his tone always sound so sweet and caring. His kisses on my forehead as he spanks me are always tender.
Sweet Trevor is the opposite. He is loving and patient. Everything about him is comfortable like a life-sized Trevor Plushie. But he can keep up that one touch in my pussy like he is teasing me with intent to punish me soon enough. He can hold me like he loves me but keep his hands on my tits like he wants to fuck me raw.
Hard and gentle. At the same time. Always.
I have no idea how he does it. I can barely explain it. But I can feel it though. Oh, God, I can feel it.
“I want you to stop rushing to an orgasm, babygirl” he moans, keeping me close and safe “I want you to feel my finger in you as if I was stroking your hair or pinching your chin. Just a little quiet touch while we’re in this bath together. Forget about the orgasm”
“Are you gonna edge me during afterc…”
“Tessa, this is not sex. Stop thinking about sex.” the finger that was once teasing me goes in. Slowly. Quietly.
I tense up.
For something that is not sex this sure feels a lot like sex.
“Relax your thighs, c’mon baby, you can do this”
Look… have you ever tried relaxing with a man’s finger inside your pussy?
Not easy.
But I take a deep breath (the deepest of breaths) and very very slowly, I start to relax. My legs feel lighter, me knees bend just a bit as I spread myself open.
“That’s my girl”
“Trev…”
“Forget about the finger. Just focus on my voice” again: not easy. I know I said I have no energy for sex right now, but the finger is really fucking good. Trevor isn’t one of those hasty men that just shove his finger inside you hard as a piece of wood, you know? Trev is the kind of guy that understand fingers are not supposed to be like… smaller cocks, cause they can move in a way a cock can’t. So he hooks them in, and moves them inside, caressing me like he is trying to drag something out. My orgasm, that’s what he’s trying to drag out.
“Tessa, stop thinking about orgasms”
“Jesus, how did you know that’s what I was thinking?”
“You’re moaning”
Was I?
I honestly didn’t notice.
Trevor isn’t fingerfucking me, he is… finger-making-love to me? Is that a thing?
It’s so sweet. The touch. Inside me.
“Just focus on my voice. Forget the finger”
“I can’t forget the finger” I cry out.
“Yes, you can. God” he moans, I fucking love his moans “You are so beautiful. Earlier today, in the shower by the pool, I wanted to kiss you so bad. But… I always want to kiss you, it’s like a disease” I do as he said and focus on his voice. His harsh deep voice “My perfect, beautiful Tess” he smells me, hugging me so close “Why did you get upset, hm? What made you come here?”
I open my mouth to answer him and the first thing out is a quiet little moan.
“I was feeling used” I whimper “And lonely”
“You were not used, baby. I would never. You are so important to me. I think about you every night before I go to sleep, trying to convince my brain to let me dream about you. Cause if you’re not there when I close my eyes, then I’m just rushing to wake up again, so I can be with you”
“Trev…”
“I mean that. Every single fucking word, Tessie. I don’t know how you did it, but you built yourself a home inside my head and my heart. That’s where you live now”
“Yeah?” I snug up against him, feeling his attention fill the needy hole I have inside.
“Just now when you said you wouldn’t run anymore? That you’d have dinner with me? I feel like I’ll be smiling all year” I turn to hold his face in my hands. He looks so real. Genuine. His smile. His eyes. His tone. “I love hate fucking you, babe. I love taming you and punishing you. I love spanking you until that beautiful ass of your turns a sweet shade of red. But this?” his nose is on mine “This is something else” he loses his breath and kisses me with a gasp “Don’t deny me aftercare anymore, ok?”
“I won’t” I promise.
“Good. My girl. My Tess” his whispers are so good. He makes me feel loved. The finger inside me carries on. For twenty minutes, half an hour… he keeps caressing me inside my pussy. At one point I think his hand got tired and then he just swapped hands. But he never stopped. Never.
I forgot about the finger even though my body could still feel it.
I focused on his words and my body could feel those just as well.
Wordfucking me. Showering me with compliments, using all the right words to let me know that nothing in the world could ever matter to him as much as I do.
And orgasm does come.
It’s not powerful, world shattering, ripping me apart like he usually does.
It’s peaceful.
Quiet.
Shy.
A small climax that arrives without being noticed. It just happens. I’m just there.
He took me there. Effortlessly.
The water turned cold but we don’t care. I lick my lips and lean my head back over his shoulder.
A small orgasm.
But I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
“Are you feeling better?” he whispers, so low even us moving in the water is louder than he is.
“I’m feeling perfect”
I can feel his smile on my ear.
“Come to bed”
“I should go back to my room, Trev, before anyone notices”
“Nobody is gonna notice. You’re staying here with me tonight, Tess, you just promised you wouldn’t fight me”
“But the aftercare is over!”
“Are we after sex? Yes. Am I caring for you? Yes. How is it over?”
“Oh God” I smile and he bites my lip, helping me out of the water.
He dries us both before taking us to bed.
I get to wear one of his shirts, it smells like him so I keep it pressed against my nose, breathing it in.
“Oi. Are you gonna make love to that shirt?”
“Are you jealous?”
“Little bit”
“It smells like you” I giggle, hugging the shirt really tight.
“You know what else smells like me? Me.” he grabs me and spoons me while I laugh.
“Yeah, but the shirt isn’t a smart ass” I tease.
“Tessa?”
“Yeah?”
“Shush”
I laugh a little more before sinking into his arms and the blankets. It’s so good and warm in here I think I’m never getting up. Nat is gonna have to find another bridesmaid cause this one is gonna stay in this bed until she does everything with…
Oh God.
“Nat’s wedding” I whisper.
“Hm?” Trevor’s eyes are already closed.
“Trevor!”
“Trevor is sleeping. Shh”
“Trev, we’re gonna have to keep our hands off each other until the wedding. We can do that, right?”
“We really really can’t. But if you wanna hold on to hope, go for it”
“What if there’s a little incentive?” I turn to face him.
He opens one eye.
“I’m listening”
“How about… whoever doesn’t break gets to pick the first thing we try”
“What?”
“From the lists we made” I say “Whoever touches or makes a move on the other one first, loses. The winner gets to pick which thing on the lists we do first”
I love my plan and I think this kinda stuff is right up his alley. But Trevor just has a weird face when he says:
“I don’t know, Tessa. I don’t wanna move right now” he pulls me closer.
“How about we start tomorrow?”
“Hm” he shrugs, burying his face in my neck “Then you have a deal”
“You’ll lose, you know that, right?”
He laughs so hard he shakes the bed.
“You should sleep, baby. You’re tired. You’re hallucinating”
I have a silly smile. I’ll have this silly smile all night.
“Trev?”
“Hm?”
“You only told me four things. What’s the number 5 on your list?”
His voice is so warm when he says:
“You’ll find out”.
I let him wrap me in his arms and kiss my neck until I fall asleep.
Everything feels perfect when we wake up.
My perfect morning.
I immediately jump away from him signalling that our deal is on. He arrives for breakfast like he means business. He’s wearing a blue shirt that makes him look tasty and those fucking tattoos are doing it for me every time.
“Morning” I say.
“Morning” he says.
I can’t wait to start finding ways to tease him.
And I really can’t wait for next week.
This could work.
This could actually just… work.
Trevor breathes in like he is about to say something naughty but…
“Pumpkin!” I jolt when I hear his voice behind me.
That’s not Trevor.
I’m pumpkin. Nat is pickles. Annie is plum. Don’t ask me why, I have no idea.
“Dad!” I hug him really hard. He is tall and strong. Not as tall and strong as Trev, but he’s my dad so, to me, he’ll always look like a super hero.
He pinches my cheeks:
“Hi darling, how are y…” and then his smile disappears. His face turns sour. “Trevor?” he squints his eyes to the man behind me.
“Colin?” Trevor recognises my dad.
Wait.
“You two know each other?” I laugh.
“Unfortunately” dad mutters underneath his breath.
What the hell?
I didn’t read the room. In fact, I read the room so wrong I am a room illiterate.
Trevor is dead quiet.
Dad is dead quiet.
They stare at each other like they can’t explain everything that would need to be explained.
“Uh? Boys? What’s going on?”
“What are you doing here?” dad asks him.
“I am a groomsman”
“A grooms… at Natalie’s wedding?”
“Dad, Trevor is Paul’s son. You know? Mom’s Paul”
Dad’s face is even worst.
He never really got over mom. Which means he never really got along with Paul.
“Of course he is. Apple doesn’t fall far, uh?”
“Colin, this is not the time or the place for…”
“Guys, what’s going on?” I ask.
“Nothing, pumpkin. Why don’t you come with me?” he drags me away from a Trevor that suddenly looks very pale and very panicked.
What the fuck is happening in my perfect morning?
“Dad, what’s going on?”
“Just stay away from that man, Tessie. He’s terrible news”
Oh, this is great.
Really really great. Read more »