Napsturbate
God bless the motherfucking Air Force. I’d been killing my entire day off alternating between riding my knock-off Sybian and napping- a 20 year old Airman on Tinder hits me up and wants to spend some quality time with me. I told him I was busy napping. He asks to join, and I clarify I’m actually interested in said napping activity- after 30, those naps become increasingly valuable. I’m not saying I wouldn’t cum on his face when I woke up, but god damn it I was exhausted after another successful ride and I need a power-nap to go round 4, 5, 82- whatever. He says that’s fine, he’d like to nap with me. Yeah yeah, I know how this goes- you’re gonna crawl into my bed and those wandering hands are just going to oops their way into my naughty bits. I’ve already prepared my litany of No’s leading to the inevitable GTFO. Whatever, come test my patience adorable baby-faced man. Now that I’ve lost 50lbs I might just fuckin’ eat you– I’m hangry. The drive from base to my house is a solid 30 minutes so I dozed back off by the time I hear the knock on my door.