Start off by prefacing this with the fact that it is a long story and may take some time to work up to sexual bits. The man in question is definitely more than just a “coworker” at this point and has been for a long time. Before we ever started anything sexual, we would talk for hours on end in his office and I could tell that I was really attracted to his personality and we had great chemistry but I could not get past the fact that I am just not attracted to him physically. Plus, I am in a relationship anyway and I hadn’t been looking for anything sexually outside of my relationship since the one instance of infidelity that I have ever had, that happened about 8 months ago. I am in a loving relationship with my fiance and we have been together 10 year if you add it all up (we broke up for a year and a half in college to find ourselves but anyway I will try to stop disgressing). My coworker, let’s call him Ben, is not a bad looking dude overall but I am super shallow about those things unfortunately. He is pretty short, about 5’6″, and historically I have been into taller guys. He also is really thin lipped and big lips are another thing that has been a huge turn on for me in men (cause I love the oral). Anyway, he isn’t my cup of tea physically. But we have this great connection. And chemistry way outweighs those things for me. He also has this kind of intense look in his eyes that is intimidating and sexy to me. So when we started kind of flirting over text one night when I was out of town, it took me by surprise and was extremely exciting. I had told him before that I share pictures of myself on the internet (I share on Reddit but just to give you an idea I am blonde, 5’4″, 140 pounds and curvy) and we had definitely crossed professional boundaries in our conversations but we had not talked about him finding me attractive, etc. We were kind of talking about picture exchanges in the hypothetical and it was past 1 am at this point and we were still texting. He sent me a picture of a cute girl with a cat and said something about “I just want girls to send me pictures like this”, and I had a cute photo of myself saved on my phone where I am cuddling with my cat topless and I sent it to him. My heart was beating so fast to think of him seeing it. The conversation progressed really fast after that and I told him about how when I knew I would be seeing him at work I would dress sexy to tease him, and a bunch of other stuff, like staring at his bulge during meetings (he is the only guy in our workplace). He told me that he had never had sexual thoughts about me really besides the most recent time we went to a conference together he said that in the middle of a training one day he got this image of bending me over his lap and spanking me and that it really turned him on. Now when I say I wasn’t looking for anything outside me relationship, that is 100% true. I had been being a good girl since making my mistakes. But, I have been reading BDSM erotica online for about 4 years and begging my finace to try some things with me and he continues to this day to insist that he is not into it, that he is scared to hurt me, can’t get aroused doing it, doesn’t EVER want to be hurt himself, is claustrophobic, etc. He told me that if that was something I needed to do in my lifetime, that I would have to “do what I needed to do” elsewhere. So I told Ben that and let him know that I wasn’t looking for sex but I was really intrigued by his spanking fantasy because that was one of the one things that I really, really wanted to try. We planned to meet the very next day in our office when I was on my way back into town. We met there and it was a little weird at first but he handled it like a pro. He swears he hadn’t done it before but it seemed so natural. He told me to go into this other room and take my pants down and bend over the desk. I felt so embarrassed going in there but I was like “fuck it I have came this far”, so I did, and he came in a few seconds later and I was so worried he would just stand there staring at me but he immediately came over and started rubbing his hands all over my ass and breathing heavy and it was so erotic, it makes me wet to write this. He gently pulled down my underwear and continued gripping, massaging, and stroking my skin. He then asked if I was ready and I said yes and he started off, slowly at first. He slapped me hard! He started going harder and faster and I could feel my skin getting incredibly warm and tingly. I got the urge to reach out and feel his cock in his pants and it was so hard, the hardest I have ever felt anyone and it was so arousing. We kind of stopped naturally as I was getting kind of purple almost and I was afraid to bruise (which I did a bit and I had to hide my ass for like four days). Then we went out to lunch and had a beer. Things got more intense as time went on and we have tried other things including handcuffs and melted wax and flogs, but we have only had sex a few times. When we do I always feel really terrible after and then we don’t talk for maybe a month. If it were up to me we would have a strictly bondage relationship with no sex, no kissing, nothing like that, but he is way more into me than I am into him I think. I am a bad girl. Yesterday after we had a little play session, he took me out to dinner and I was wearing a skirt and there was a man I found very attractive eating alone a table away from us and I got up and bused our table and when I stood up I purposely kind of opened my legs in a not very modest manner and then I didn’t bother to pull down my skirt at all so that when I passed back by him going the other way it barely covered my ass, which is pretty big and juicy. I don’t know what to do with myself, I think I just need to cut off all contact with any other men and just masturbate it off. What do you all think?