One of the first lessons I learned by talking about my problems online and in the counselor’s office, was that everybody’s situation is different. What works for others may not work for me and what works for me may not work for others. You’ve got to take the time to delve into your own situation and find a solution that works for you. And to save a marriage, it’s got to be a joint solution, not one that is found by one party working alone. But another glitch that got thrown into the mix for me was that my wife didn’t want to participate in counseling. Her position was quite clear. There was nothing wrong with her. She didn’t need professional help. But if I felt the need, especially since I was still reeling from the grief of losing a son, she encouraged me to go for it.
So like a one armed paper hanger, I went for it all alone. Well, to be truthful, I wasn’t 100% alone. I had her involvement on a limited basis. She would ask me what we talked about and what the counselor said. And when the counselor recommended masturbation as an outlet for all the sexual energy I couldn’t get out in bed, she approved of these exploits, with one small caveat, she didn’t want to participate in any way.