I’ve always hated confrontations. Like, really, *really* hated them. I’m so sensitive to interpersonal tensions that I cringe whenever *strangers* get into arguments. I also have general social anxiety, problems with looking people in the eyes, that kind of thing. It’s not fun, but I’m working on it with a therapist. (BTW, I know this is a strange way to start a story, but this context is important.)
So, about a month back, I get a message from my friend Sophie about a Halloween party. My first response was to cringe. Parties turn me into an awkward and anxious mess. They’re full of people making eye contact, having conversations, you know, typical terrifying stuff. Sophie knew about my issues, but she was a good friend, and never gave up on inviting me despite me always turning her down.
But this time I responded with a yes, and she replied with big-surprised-eyed emojis, followed by lots of fireworks and hearts. A few weeks later, I was standing awkwardly at her door, reminding myself to be social and to avoid staring at the floor. Sophie’s roommate Katie answered dressed like player 067 from Squid Game. She looked at me for a while, almost like she didn’t recognize me. I kept thinking I’d overdone it with the dark eyeliner.