(Aka: A true tale of festive fuckery as told in a seasonally appropriate and thoroughly wholesome manner)
‘Twas a few nights before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
But that’s not strictly true, as something *was* stirring,
For under a duvet a vibrator was whirring.
I was attempting to relieve my frustration,
By applying some liberal clitoral stimulation.
Though I was having success, and my toes they did twitch,
It just wasn’t enough to fully scratch the itch.
I sought something more substantial in her Christmas stocking,
To put it quite bluntly, I needed a cock-ing.
For a festive family gathering is great, with one snag,
It presents next to no opportunities to shag.
I’d been home for three days; a Christmas vacation,
And my sex life had halted, a total cessation.
Until then I’d been active, after all, ’tis the season,
Not that I needed to justify the reason.
In short, I was horny. I needed some action,
To get out and find some mutual attraction.
So despite the later hour, and some of my family sleeping,
Out of the house I found myself creeping.
(It wasn’t that late. Maybe just gone twelve?
Certainly enough time for my plans not to shelve)
Wrapped up in layers, looking quite the sight,
I ventured out into the cold winter’s night…