Years ago I was exploring my body and sexuality, I would find myself in my room watching porn with headphones trying to be as quiet as I could. I would lock my door and lose myself imagining I was those women on the screen with my eyes closed, hearing the moans and only briefly open them to see the sex playing so that my minds eye could put me in the scene.
This went on for months and I dug deeper into a rabbit hole as I went from boy/girl, girl/girl to more depraved videos like orgies, gangbangs and the fake incest videos that were everywhere. My embarrassment had faded and whenever my parents had left the house I would forgo using my headphones to allow the sounds through speakers. I no longer worried if the sounds of sex leaked through the windows to the outside, I didn’t care if anyone out there heard me moan as I got myself off.