My boyfriend is a dickhead, which is why he cheated on me. I’m certain. I mean, I KNOW he cheated and am CERTAIN he did so because he’s a dickhead. And with Beth Myers, to boot. That blonde cunt.
Wait. I’m starting this story oddly. Let me start over: Beth Myers is a bitch. Wait, let me start again. Actually, let me switch to third-person narrator, so I can avoid ruining this story with my own personal feelings:
Ann’s boyfriend … Dick was a serial cheater, only Ann didn’t know it. His latest conquest was a twit named Beth, who he was dumb enough to fuck in his dorm room, despite the fact that Ann liked to pop in, randomly, between classes.
Ann knew she was hotter than Beth, which doesn’t really matter in this story, but it made her feel better, in general. Guys would regularly tell her she looked like Emma Stone, and not just because they both had red hair. Ann was smart, too. Not that it matters, she’d always say, because guys only care about how big your tits are.