Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess, in whatever way you want to define that. Suffice to say she was at least twenty five, healthy, and a bit dumb. Oh and flexible. That will be important later.
The princess’s most cherished possession was a golden ball, roughly the size of an egg, that hovered gently over her hand when she willed it or would weigh as much as a heavy stone if she was inclined. She might roll it like a bowling ball or bounce it against a wall – and it obeyed her will because of a gold ring she wore around her thumb.
One day the princess tossed her golden ball a bit too far, and it didn’t return to her when she called it. She searched and searched, eventually spying it in a well where it had gotten tangled in some debris that floated in the water. There were no servants about to retrieve it, and no stick long enough for her to free it herself.
Full of despair in the way only a person with no real problems can be, the princess began to cry.
“Why are you crying princess?”
The princess looked around and saw nobody until she spied a small frog sitting on the edge of the well.
“Oh little frog. I dropped my golden ball in the well and I don’t know how to get it back”
The frog looked down the well appraisingly. “I can fetch your ball for you princess, but what will you give me in return?”
“Do you want jewels? Gold? A pond all your own stocked with only the plumpest flies?”
“What would I do with your fine gold and jewels? And what use is a pond when what I really am is lonely? What I want, princess, is to be your playmate and friend. To eat from your plate, drink from your cup, and sleep on your pillow.”
“I will give you anything you want, dear little frog, if only you retrieve my ball for me!”
“Do you promise princess?”
“Yes!” She exclaimed. (I told you she wasn’t very bright.) “I promise. I promise I will give you whatever you want if only you can get my golden ball back for me”
With that, the frog leapt down into the well and returned suspiciously quickly with the golden ball in his mouth.
The princess, on getting her golden ball back, turned to leave.
“Wait princess! Do not forget your promise”
The princess paused, considering.
“And what do you want, little frog?”
“To be your playmate and friend, as I said before” said the frog. “Now pick me up and bring me back to the castle with you.”
The princess bent down reluctantly, and suppressed a shiver when the frog leapt onto her hand. She carried him that way, her palm flat and held in front of her, to the castle.
“I’m hungry princess” said the frog. So the princess called for food and fed the frog with her own fingers from her own plate.
“I’m thirsty princess” said the frog. So the princess called for drink and let the frog suckle wine from her fingers.
“I’m tired now princess” said the frog. But the princess, who was growing tired of the frog and his demands, burst into tears and ran from the room to her father the king.
“Father” she implored “please. Please help me get rid of this wretched frog.”
“You made a promise” said her father “and you must keep it. My hands are tied.”
So the princess, full of hurt and rage, carried the frog to her bedroom and deposited him on her fine silk pillow.
“I am no longer sleepy” said the frog “and did I not say I wished to be your playmate and friend? Let us play a game. Give me your golden ball.”
“That was never part of my promise!” Cried the princess
“You promised to give me whatever I want. I will give you back your golden ball when our game is done. Come, give me the golden ball, and place the golden band you wear around your thumb around my leg”
Reluctantly the princess did so, setting the ball beside the frog and placing the ring around his leg.
“Here are the rules” said the frog. “I shall toss the ball and you shall fetch it.”
The princess was relieved, for this was a simple enough game. And she wouldn’t have to touch the frog at all. The frog lifted the ball in his mouth and spat it across the room where it bounced merrily. The princess waited until it had rolled to a stop, then she walked over and retrieved it, bringing it back and placing it by the frog.
“Ah, but I forgot to tell you the rules princess. For this game, you must crawl on your hands and knees to fetch the ball. And you may only use your mouth to pick it up.”
Anger, and something else she couldn’t recognize, bubbled up inside the princess. Remembering her promise, she slowly dropped to her knees.
“Good girl” cooed the frog, then he scooped up the ball and off it went again.
The princess, aware of the frog’s eyes on her, crawled after it. She eyed the ball, still slimy with the frog’s spit, as she lowered her head. She had to will her mouth to open when her lips touched the ball, and she felt it slide into her mouth tasting of wine and something sticky. She crawled back towards the frog who was watching her carefully.
“This is a game princess! Is it not? A game must be fun. A game must be a challenge. Surely you can go faster than that?”
“I assure you, my dear little frog, that this is as fast as I can go.” Read more »