Tales of abuse lie within. If this isn’t your thing, please move along.
__________
11/08/2014
How do I *feel* toward him? I guess I’ll hand it to you, doc, you apparently showed up to the lesson on “using stupid questions to provoke a waterfall of twisted insanity out of people” at shrink school.
I mean, he pretty much crafted my identity for me. Without him, I probably would have done myself in before I hit teenagehood. Aside from the whole rape thing, he was the nicest person I’d ever met, and I only even recognize that “the whole rape thing” throws his kindness into question because everyone tells me so.
I know how utterly ridiculous that must sound, but just, the way he talked to me, the things he said…back then, I didn’t have any basis for comparison. I just thought that’s what it look and sounded (and felt) like when someone was nice to you. After all that happened at home, it felt so good to be wanted and loved, to have someone smile and get excited to see you, someone who actually **wanted** you around. When you come to believe that all you can do is make people hate you, you’ll run to the opportunity to make someone smile like a lemming to a cliff’s edge.