[F] Fingered at the strip club

So I’ve worked at a strip club for about 6 months now and when I started I had no stripping experience so I just worked topless behind the bar until I had gotten enough practice on stage to work the floor. The club I work at is a full nude club and girls when they first start on the floor have to be completely naked their first night kind of like initiation (which is bullshit in my opinion lol). Anyway I was pretty terrified working the floor my first night totally naked but everything was going well until I got requested to dance for a table of guys in a corner of the club where security cannot see very well. I started giving one of the guys at this table a lap dance and turned around and was grinding on him for a couple minutes before he grabbed me and sat me on his lap. I giggled playfully at first bc I thought he just wanted me to sit there with him for a moment but when I tried to get up his arm which was wrapped around my chest tightened. I didn’t really start to freak out until I felt his fingers from his other hand run across my pussy. I had no idea what to do especially since this was my first night on the floor. He told me I had a beautiful pussy and started rubbing my clit and after a minute or two I was soaking wet despite my best efforts not to be. That’s when he put two fingers inside me and I asked him what he was doing. He said he wanted to see how many fingers he could fit inside me before he let me up and I sorta had a mini panic attack in my head. I was super tight and I told him I couldn’t handle the two he already had inside me and that he should let me up but he squeezed me tighter and said he wanted to make sure and put a third finger inside me. By the time he had worked his entire fist inside me I was nearly in tears from pain but in some sort of weird fucked up way outrageously turned on too. This was the most my pussy had ever been stretched and when he finally took his hand out of me I was completely gaping. He let me up and turned me around to look at my pussy and said it looked better like that. I didn’t say anything to him I just left and went to the dressing rooms. I was so sore and didn’t work the rest of the night. While it was super painful in the moment, thinking back on it always turns me on. I don’t know why being used like that makes me so horny but it does. Maybe I’m just fucked up ? Anyway feel free to message me if you want ?