The Bartender

They’d gotten into a fight … again.
As Jax got into her white, ‘74 Corvette, the tears were drying on her face. She looked in the rear view mirror. Split lip, smudged makeup, but otherwise fine. She touched up her makeup and sped away.
She was angry. She was tired of her life being like this. She needed to be out of her cage.

The dance club downtown was her favorite, but she hadn’t been in ages. She thought about calling friends to go with her, but she didn’t want to try to make polite conversation. Didn’t want to have to pretend. She just wanted to make herself feel good. She pulled into a spot and tucked her keys into her tiny purse.
Checking her reflection in the windows, barely illuminated by the streetlights, she adjusted her ample cleavage so it looked as beautiful as it felt and fluffed her long, Auburn waves. Her tight shirt and pants fit her beautifully, her faux leather jacket accenting her curves. Her high heels were pinching her feet but if she switched to flats she felt like the overall look would be too casual.

Waking up is painful… [TW: sexual assault]

TW: references to sexual assault

Most people are initiated into love gently. Sex is an exciting, exhilarating opportunity to share love and pleasure and dive deeper into a relationship. Girls dress up their Barbies as brides and dream of the day when someone will come sweep them off their feet. Boys, when they finally realize they’re interested, long for someone to have fun with, to protect, to have adventures with.

My initiation was a hard shove off a cliff. I was six years old the first time I was touched. Nine when I lost my virginity to my seventeen year old neighbor. Rape is such a mild word to describe what happened. And I didn’t lose my virginity so much as it was ripped from my body and the lack of it nearly killed me. The next time wasn’t as hard because i was in too much pain for more pain to register.
When I was twelve, and we moved, I thought I would be able to start fresh.

Adulthood has taught me so much about love, but so much of it was excruciating.

Charlie Cain (pt 3)

Charlie slept fitfully. It had been over a week since Antoinette had been in his loft. After her mysterious disappearance, he had tried to get ahold of her, which was unlike him. Given that, he was unsettled to realize that he was far more concerned that she wasn’t returning his calls than that he was doing something completely out of character over a woman he barely knew. He’d only been able to reach her business manager, who stated rather rudely that Antoinette had no time for peasants like him and he would do well to accept the generosity she’d already extended and leave it at that.
In his dreams, Antoinette was with him, but she wasn’t herself. She was a fox and then a wolf and then an owl, but each time she changed, he knew it was her. He kept trying to catch her only to have her slip out of his grasp, tantalizingly close and agonizingly aloof. Charlie’s bed was soaked with sweat, his sheets wrapped his arms and legs and yet he clung to sleep if only for those brief moments when she was there with him.
“Fuck!” Charlie barked, sitting up in bed as he woke. He rubbed his face, wincing as the sharp stubble raked his palm. He felt exhausted, like he hadn’t slept at all. He felt like he might have been more rested if he hadn’t closed his eyes.
“Preoccupation is a good way to lose your mind, Puppy.”
Antoinette’s voice shot straight to his groin and he quickly arranged the covers so his excitement was less apparent.
“Antoinette?” he asked, then kicked himself. “Antoinette. What are you doing here?”
She laughed intoxicatingly, “Puppy, you’ve been ringing my phones off the hook.”
Charlie barely managed not to blush, “Uh… no, no, just called your business manager.”
“And my assistant, and my body guard, and Red, Cosmos and Annette…”
Charlie chuckled wryly, “Well, uh…” He snorted. “Yeah, I guess I didn’t expect them to tell you.”
“No clever lies to make yourself look less desperate?”
Charlie launched himself out of bed in a rage, managing to look intimidating, even naked, as he stood an inch from her face, “You walked out without a word. I don’t know what you’ve done to me but desperate doesn’t even cover it. I have taken pride in the fact that I’ve never needed anyone, ever. Somehow you’ve made me need you. And the worst part…” He whispered, “…the worst part is that I can’t help but like it.”
Antoinette looked at him appraisingly, taking in his featured which were contorted with frustration. She said, “You are so beautiful when you’re angry.”
Charlie’s face relaxed into a look of surprise and he backed up a few feet. “You said I was ready for answers. I want them now.”
Antoinette grinned, “Be careful what you wish for.”
Charlie swallowed hard, “I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”
“I suppose that’s true.” Antoinette looked thoughtful, “I’m not in the habit of revealing my secrets, Charlie. However, I would like for you to be a part of my life, my endeavors. The truth would be helpful.” Her eyes flashed, “Just understand well that this knowledge comes with a steep price. You may never tell a soul, and if you do you pay with your life. I will know if you have betrayed me. There are many benefits to being a part of my circle. Additionally, I have taken few lovers in my life, and you are one of them. That comes with its own set of risks – and I don’t mean STDs. But as you experienced, it’s worth it.”
Charlie blushed, then said, “I understand. And i agree.”
Antoinette said, “Even if you disagree someday, the cost is the same. If that suits you, you may share in all my secrets.”
Charlie didn’t hesitate, “Tell me.”
Antoinette’s eyes seemed to glow, “There is no longer a name for what I am in any living language. I am… in a sense, immortal. It is not that I cannot be slain, but rather that my life will not end without the correct weapon in the hands of the right person.”
Charlie’s mind went first to vampires and then to werewolves and his rational brain dismissed them immediately. He didn’t believe in the supernatural. Or at least, he hadn’t.
Antoinette grinned, “You’re not entirely wrong.” She sat on the chair by the window and crossed her legs. “You see, people have it all wrong. Since the dawn of time, in all the histories in every culture, there have been legends about monsters, and stories about gods. There is, in fact, a creator, and certainly if it chose it could wipe us all out. It seems the Creator has left us to our own devices.
In the beginning we were made. Our parents were greater then any human that has ever been since. The Greeks called them Titans, and we, their children, were gods to them. Unfortunately, we were all assigned a role in the small minds of humans based on our interests, and people grew frustrated when we didn’t govern them as they apparently thought we were bound to.
Over the centuries, my brethren sired innumerable children, and our genetics lend to certain… traits, shall we say. Werewolves and vampires are their children, and their conditions are passed unerringly from generation to generation. Humans killed most of the other monsters.” Antoinette’s eyes filled, but she blinked away the sheen of tears, “Such a waste.”
Charlie stared at the woman in front of him and found himself believing her, but he held up a hand, “Wait, you’re telling me you’re a goddess?”
“No, Charlie. I am not. What I am saying is that I am the very essence of humanity. What prevails as humankind now is but a weak shadow of who we once were. Prone to violence and hatred and cruel weapons that destroy all but the strongest of us. Had you been born five thousand, ten-thousand years ago, you would more likely have had traits like mine and been considered a god as well. I inherited all of the old traits, but people like me are not often born anymore.”
Charlie’s eyes widened but he stood and threw up his hands, “I just, I’m sorry, but I just find this… very hard to accept.”
Antoinette sighed, “I figured as much.” She stood and walked toward the door.
Charlie caught her arm, “Wait. I didn’t say I didn’t believe you. Just, give me a minute. Please?” His eyes filled with desire and his voice deepened, “Please.” He kissed her hand, “I don’t care what you are. The only thing that matters to me is that I need you.”
Antoinette sat next to him on the bed, “You are more like us than you think, Charlie.” She pressed her lips to his in a slow, lingering kiss. “The full moon rises tomorrow night. I think you should stay with me.”
“Why?,” Charlie asked, eyes wandering over her body, “what do you mean?”
“You’re one of us, puppy,” she said softly. “I knew it the second I saw you.” She put a hand on his bare chest, “You will be more powerful than any for centuries. A hybrid of sorts… and now that you’ve tasted my blood, more powerful still.”
Charlie’s eyes lingered on her throat.
“I know you can feel it,” she whispered. She stood and took his hand, “Put some clothes on and come with me.”

Charlie Cain (pt2)

After everyone had gone home, Charlie went to the bar and poured himself a drink. He was disappointed. After that kiss, Antoinette had stayed for the whole show, dancing right up front, and then she’d disappeared. No doubt her black mountain of a body guard had hustled her out so they could beat the traffic, but Charlie had been sure she would stay.
Charlie touched his lips, imagining that kiss. He downed his drink and walked to the back door, stepping out into the cool night air. The gentle slap of the water on the dock was amplified in the heavy fog. In the haze, Charlie could barely see anything even with the security lights on.
Charlie tensed as rapid footsteps approached through the mist.
“Argus?” he said, surprised.
The wolf sat and looked up at him, panting, his golden eyes warm as his tail beat the ground.
“Where’s your mama?” Charlie asked him quietly.
Argus looked off into the shifting clouds and woofed softly. Antoinette was leaning on the corner of the building, smoking a cigarette in a long filter. When she exhaled, Charlie was sure he could see shapes in the fog. He blinked rapidly and they vanished.
“You came back,” Charlie said, walking towards her.
The woman smiled, her black-rimmed eyes dancing, “Of course. You’re the most interesting thing I’ve seen around here in ages.”
Charlie laughed, “Where have you been? Who were all those people with you?”
“Who? Annette and Marlo? Or the others?”
Charlie’s brow furrowed, “What others?”
“Charlie…” Antoinette said, leaning forward, “I invited every major business owner in the city to see you play tonight. I’m told they all enjoyed it.”
Charlie gulped, “Seriously? How did you manage that?”
“Dax made a few phone calls. I figured you wouldn’t mind the publicity. Anyway, Marlo insisted on coming, and I brought Annette just for fun. She’s loves this kind of thing.”
Charlie nodded, “Well I definitely appreciate that, I –” Charlie shook his head, “Wait, who are you exactly? I mean, what do you do? How the hell did you convince every suit in the city to come to what was essentially a rave to see me? I mean, Maudlin’s not exactly a pop band.”
Antoinette laughed, and even Argus barked as though he was amused, “Oh, Charlie, you’re adorable when you’re confused. May I go inside? It’s getting chilly out here.”
“Of course,” Charlie took her arm and walked inside with her. “I’ll leave the door open for Argus. As long as he does his business outside I don’t care if he comes in.”
“Hear that, love?” Antoinette asked Argus.
Argus just sneezed in response and lay down in front of the door, the breeze making his fur ripple.
Charlie paused for a moment, “Um, I want to keep talking, but I really need to shower and get out of these clothes. You’re welcome to come upstairs if you don’t mind waiting.”
Antoinette smiled, “Freely and of my own will.” She winked.
Charlie swallowed hard, “And mine.”
She nodded, “Obviously.”
Charlie led her upstairs. He noticed Argus lifted his head to watch them go but he stayed by the door. Charlie’s pulse picked up. A beautiful woman was following him up to his room. A beautiful woman he was extremely attracted to. The fact that he barely knew her never crossed his mind. She was here with him, and they were alone.
Antoinette went to sit on the bed, and Charlie realized she wasn’t wearing the same thing she’d had on at the concert. The shark tooth hung around her neck on a thin black cord now, and she was wearing a silver tank top and black leggings with combat boots that came up to her knees.
“Where do you live?” Charlie asked, taking his shirt off. “It must be close.”
“It is,” she replied, not taking her eyes off of him.
“Why haven’t I seen you before?” he asked. “I’ve been living here for over a year now, and I ran into you last night on a path you and I supposedly both walk all the time. How is it, as important as you are, that I’ve never heard of you? How have I not met you until now?”
“You weren’t ready,” she said.
“Ready for what?”
“Ready for me,” Antoinette’s eyes bored into his, “ready for the answers to all the questions you’ve asked me tonight.”
Charlie tried to remember everything he’d asked her, “Am I ready now?” He unbuttoned his fly.
Antoinette smirked, “Perhaps.”
Charlie slid out of his pants and his boxers and flung them down the chute in the corner. Without taking his eyes off Antoinette, he grabbed a towel and went into the bathroom, not bothering to close the door. His mind raced as the water poured over him and he found himself straining to hear the woman in the other room. So he was startled when he stepped out of the shower and a warm tongue ran up his back as he toweled off.
Charlie spun, grabbing a fistful of Antoinette’s hair and pushing her against the wall in one motion. One look in her molten eyes said all he needed to know. He kissed her, biting her lip this time and pulling her head back so far he was surprised she didn’t yelp. He bit and kissed down her neck, his tongue feeling for the seductive swell of her pulse. He found it and sunk his teeth in. Waves of desire rushed through him, and he almost came when Antoinette moaned and leaned into his teeth.
“More,” she whispered. “Take me in.”
Her blood was sweet and coppery, and as his mouth filled, his mind’s eye flickered with images. He opened his eyes as he swallowed, an icy band pulsing around his heart. This woman was different than anyone he’d ever met. After that taste, he wasn’t so sure she was a “who” as much as a “what.” Lust stomped out his fear as he licked the bite. When she moaned again, he grabbed her arms and steered her into the bedroom, lying her face down on the bed.
While he was in the shower, Antoinette had lit more candles than Charlie realized he had. His room had been transformed from a rather austere bachelor’s loft into a flickering grotto. He blinked for a moment and Antoinette flipped over, her chest heaving. Charlie’s eyes moved to her fingers as they slid under the edges of the sheer bra she was wearing, teasing the soft skin of her breasts.
Charlie growled and shoved her hands away before turning her over again. He unclasped her bra with one flick and dragged her thong away in a swipe, flinging it off the bed. Her ass was tilted up at him like an invitation. Charlie plunged into her, shouting at the silky, hot wetness. He let go of her hair and grabbed her hips, driving into her forcefully. Antoinette moaned, and it echoed around the room, amplifying the animal rawness of it.
Shoving her towards the head of the bed, Charlie bent her body towards him so her chest was pressed against the cool brick wall, her skin rubbing against the uneven texture as he thrust. Charlie felt Antoinette’s body convulse with orgasm and hot streams of liquid ran down their legs. Charlie’s mind was filled with feral passion, and indiscernible cries ripped from his throat. For a moment he was sure he heard wolves howling, or was it whale song? But he had no mind to ponder it. He bit the back of Antoinette’s neck like a panther, his lithe body writhing into hers with ecstatic friction. He felt himself on the brink of his climax and he pulled away from her, laying her down on the bed.
Antoinette looked up at him and he gasped at the look in her eyes. There was no fear. He was sure in that moment that she knew his mind, and she welcomed it. He kissed her with bruising force as he thrust into her again, bucking against her willing body until he yielded at last and let go with a shout. He fell to his elbows, Antoinette’s body cradling him as she bit and sucked at his neck and his jaw. Then he winced with surprise as her teeth truly pierced him, right on the tender muscles of his shoulder. He felt his skin pop in her mouth and the gentle pulling motions as his blood flowed over her tongue. She moaned and he felt her shudder beneath him again, his sensitive cock teased almost painfully by the rhythmic contractions.
When she relaxed and let her head fall back on the pillows, Charlie lay down beside her, his eyes closing as they hit the pillow. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep, he wanted to talk, but for some reason he couldn’t keep his eyes open. Charlie’s dreams were filled with Antoinette’s face and form. She spoke to him in a language he didn’t understand, but for some reason, it was comforting and it filled him with a sense of excitement. He slept like a dead man, without moving at all, and so deeply he felt like his entire self was being restored. Years of exhaustion melted away and life was a fire in his veins again. He prayed to whatever gods existed that he would still feel that way when he woke up; he couldn’t ever remember feeling this way.

Charlie Cain (pt 1)

The sweltering, wet summer air on Bourbon Street always hit Charlie like a kiss. The thrum of energy that pulsed at all hours stoked his smoldering excitement. For the first time tonight, he was opening here in the center of the musical universe. Charlie had practically run out of the building after the final rehearsal to get a taste of New Orleans before the night began.
Maudlin was the latest of Charlie’s bands. They had been together for two years now, and were stronger for having left New York City. For two months, they had been playing minor shows in the Big Easy, trying to get a break in any of the major clubs, or at least raise enough money to rent a warehouse where they could host concerts. Charlie had been experimenting with music for years, but somehow, Maudlin felt right. He had finally gathered the right group of people.
Unfortunately, Charlie had no one to share it all with. Most of the time that didn’t bother him; he was strong and independent. None of his friends had ever heard him pine for a woman. Any woman, let alone someone in particular. But still, after his last girlfriend had left him, stating that she would never move to New Orleans and leave her life behind for the sake of his band, Charlie wished he had someone to talk to. Someone to hold close to him while he slept. He had really believed Liza would move with him; he even had a ring for her if she agreed, but he’d never had the chance to propose. She had promptly shut him down, and not two weeks after he left, an old friend told him she was dating a drummer from a rival band.
Shaking his head slightly, Charlie looked out into the night. His brilliant blue eyes glittered with anticipation. Looking up at the sky, he smirked. Darkness hung over the city like a shroud. The stars seemed to gleam with almost desperate effort to pierce the palpable gloom. The people rushing by Charlie’s stationary form seemed unaware. This shimmering jewel of a city was a secret within a secret, helpless in the grasp of some ancient hunger.
Charlie laughed, “There I go again. I’ll write that on the list of things never to say out loud.”
And there was a list. A long one. Not that he really gave much thought to how people saw him, but there was a part of him that didn’t want to express certain things because it made him almost violently upset that so many people were blind to the world around them. Things that were so obvious to him would sound insane to the average person. Generally, humans were sheep. Americans especially. Gullible and fat. Obsessed with themselves. Charlie was anything but average, an observation that wasn’t self-absorbed in the slightest. His extraordinary nature was just a matter of fact, and humility simply played no role. He wasn’t a narcissist, he had just realized over time that he was different. Different and… superior. The part that separated him from the fascists in history who had also claimed to be superior was that Charlie kept this knowledge to himself, and he didn’t force it on anyone. The world could go on believing in itself, clinging to its mindless rhetoric and routine and he would remain on the sidelines existing on a different plane.
A ripple of blond hair caught Charlie’s eye and he turned, hands still in his pockets. In front of a bustling little bistro on the corner was a gorgeous young woman with platinum tresses that reached her waist. She was smiling slightly, and Charlie would swear there was a look of recognition in her almost colorless eyes. Almost involuntarily, Charlie walked toward her, drawn by the sense that he should know this woman, even though he was positive he’d never met her in his life. When he reached her, he extended his hand.
“Charlie,” he said, trying to keep his deep voice as quiet as he could.
“Celene,” the woman replied, her hand surprisingly cool in his as she shook it.
Charlie’s eyes searched hers. Celene looked almost concerned.
“Are you alright?” Charlie asked.
Celene nodded, “Can we talk?”
Charlie’s lips curled in a dangerous smile, “If I go with you, there’s not some guy waiting around the corner with a gun is there?”
Celene blanched, “Gods no! I… I just…”
Charlie chuckled, “Relax, I was joking, lead on.” He looked around and then followed her into the shadows, pretending not to notice that her hair and eyes were almost luminescent even in the pitch dark.
When they were in a relatively secluded spot, Charlie leaned back against the brick of a building and looked at Celene. Her face was just barely visible in the moonlight that filtered into the alleyway they stood in, between two tall brick buildings that might have been apartments or offices. Celene’s features were soft and young and Charlie would have said she was no more than sixteen if she didn’t have such ancient eyes. Her eyes were filled with such a tumble of emotions that Charlie couldn’t tell what she was feeling at any given moment.
Tiring of the mystery, Charlie said, “Well, Celene, what is it you want to say? I go on in about two hours and I was hoping to enjoy myself.”
Celene sighed, “You’re not going to believe me, but I have to try.”
Charlie gritted his teeth, “What is this about? I mean, do I know you? I feel like I must have met you somewhere, but I honestly can’t remember. I’m about to do a huge show and I want to have some time to myself first. So if it’s not important, I’m going to go.”
Celene put her arm out; Charlie couldn’t tell if she was trying to stop him or indicate she meant no harm, “Please, Charlie, wait. No, you don’t know me. Although, you may have seen me recently, because I’ve been following you. You see, you’re in danger, and my… employer… wanted me to keep an eye on you.”
“Someone sent you to protect me?” Charlie asked incredulously.
“Uh…” Celene sounded like she was blushing. “No, not exactly. I’m sort of… Well, I’ve basically been spying on you. In fact, my orders were quite clear that I wasn’t to interfere. If you went to them willingly, I was supposed to let you go. My job was simply to get all of the information that I could. Listen to all your conversations, relay your intentions. The thing is, I have to stop you. I can’t bear the thought of someone like you being drawn into the darkness even more. You’re brilliant. There’s still hope for you.”
Charlie looked down his nose at Celene, “Celene, I have no idea what you’re talking about. All this babble like I’m at the center of some conspiracy. If it’s true that someone hired you to follow me, you can deliver this message, ‘FUCK OFF.’ Similarly, if I see you at one on my shows, I’ll have you thrown out. I haven’t come this far to let some pretty little girl stand in my way. Clear?”
Celene looked like she was about to cry, “Just promise me you won’t go to her.”
Charlie snorted, “Go to whom?”
“Antoinette. Queen of the Bayou,” Celene’s voice broke.
Charlie felt his head start to throb, “Celene, who are you?”
“I… I can’t tell you. They’ll probably kill me just for talking to you.”
Charlie shook his head in disbelief, “I don’t believe this is happening.” He started to walk away, “I hope you’ll be okay Celene. I sincerely hope no one hurts you for talking to me, but I have a show to do. Maybe you should go talk to the police.”

Ravenous, really.

*I haven’t had a drink in eight years. I don’t come to the club to drink, I come to dance. Years of being trapped behind the bars of mediocrity has left me with the same restless inertia of a caged lioness.

I am hungry.

So many have offered to feed me, but they are trying to fill the holes they can see and I am riddled with holes that no one can. Some smaller than others, but there’s an extra large one punched like a cannon wound right through my chest. Years of lovers and partners eroded me like the slow drip of acid. What was left of my heart is protected from the onslaught and unavailable to be viewed by the public.

I am hungry. Ravenous, really.

But I don’t come to the club to hunt. I come to dance.

The music thrums against my nerve endings like a kiss, the heavy base regulating my heartbeat like CPR and threading electricity through my veins. How many decibels until I’m no longer undead? How many watts? How many batteries and sore fingers and tears in the uncaring darkness of my bedroom?