The Perfect Doormat
Patrick E. Chauvin
Preface
There are two classes of people who should not attempt to read this text. One is the kind who feel easily offended and who do not appreciate the dark side of the human mind, believing that it somehow competes with the bright one, like puerile movies like to show, instead of complementing it. The other group is that of people who are very big fans of genital action, dedicating a large amount of their attention to this task, not even considering that sex may be something else than acting like bonobos. Curiously, one may often find these two groups quarrelling, and they both seem to believe that they are polar opposite factions in some kind of big, epic war. However, they both have in common that they will highly dislike this text. It may be that this is a terrible text, or it may be that I may be onto something!
Chapter 1: On Sale
Matt just wanted a new shirt. One that looked as good as possible despite his budding belly —he liked to work out from time to time, but like in other realms of life, he would not renounce tastiness in favour of healthiness. As he looked at a pile of shirts on sale, he heard a feminine, sweet voice beside him.