When in Pakistan I was always considered beautiful but used to dress in a modest and “dignified” way to hide my huge tits and ass and protect myself from the Muslim male gaze which is so incredibly lustful due to their sexual frustration. I thought of myself as pure, angel-like, as the women in my family had taught me to perceive myself as.
At 14 I had started dating someone from my school who wanted to have sex with me but I was too religious to even imagine that. He eventually asked me to get married to him so we could consummate the relationship in a halal way. He basically made a friend murmur some Quranic verses in the presence of witnesses just to shoddily convince me that we were married now, and later had sex with me. A few years later he broke up with me and said the marriage didn’t matter since it was not on paper. I felt betrayed. And it coincided with a bunch of other things that made me question my faith, one of them being multiple Islamiyat teachers molesting me.