Here I am, logging into my old “slutty” account, a throwaway for my teenage self to use for self-validation. Now I’m long past being a teenager, but I’m logging in to reminisce, really for myself, but maybe others will enjoy. After being in a sexually abusive relationship fresh out of high school, I used posting photos of myself on reddit as a way to take control of my own body and try and discover a way to be sexual that I enjoyed. The flooding of my inbox certainly helped my ego, but I never anticipated that years later I’d be making myself cum to the memory of one man in particular. Our interaction didn’t send any sparks flying at first, and while the conversation was good, quite frankly he annoyed me 😂 But over the years, after each breakup, I’d find myself back on reddit sharing photos of my body and he would be there, ready to sing my praises. If you would have told me that we’d end up fucking on my parents couch at 3AM trying out best to be quiet, I would’ve never believed you.
I guess we could fast forward to that…we decided to meet up for drinks, because as the universe would have it, this man was less than a 2 hour drive from me and for some reason my aversion to meeting people from the internet (and reddit of all places) had dipped dangerously low over the years. Our first meeting was fun, but there wasn’t even a kiss. I knew I liked throwing sarcastic remarks around with him, but I really wasn’t sure if there was much attraction. That first meeting in no way prepared me for what would happen on the second. We sat on the balcony of a dimly lit bar in my city’s downtown square, and I made fun of his drink choice while he made fun of whatever he could. Neither one of us took ourselves too seriously, and the playful jabs were like foreplay for me. After a few drinks, we made it back to my car and excitedly watched as a couple nearby had a very public argument, the woman nearly hitting her boyfriend with her car as she took off without him. Eventually, what I was craving happened. His lips brushed against mine, and his kiss was intoxicating. He withheld the full force of his kiss, making me strain in my seat to search for more. He didn’t overwhelm me with his kiss like so many had done before, and his restraint was the perfect thing to make me feel safe. I couldn’t stand the idea of not having more. Since my house was only a few miles away, I figured there was no better idea than to have a stranger from the internet over to my house while my parents slept upstairs, blissfully unaware.