A Virgin’s Dirty Weekend [MF]

This incident has been on my mind lately. Seeing as I’m currently on my third glass of whiskey, I thought why hell not post it. This requires a ~~little~~ lot of backstory, so settle in. Maybe pour yourself a drink. A large one.

I wasn’t what you’d call popular in high school. I was (still am, in point of fact) an enormous nerd. Tall, scrawny, face like a bird, socially awkward, introverted, more interested in reading or my science classes than talking to people, more inclined to remember Shel Silverstein poems (the greatest American poet, fuck you, fight me) than the lyrics to whatever sing was popular. I was a walking stereotype. My love and sex life was nothing to write home about, unless you were scripting a cringe comedy. The less said about that period, the better.

College was a little kinder and less painful, as I found a slightly wider circle of friends, discovered D&D and Warhammer (yes, I was *amazingly* cool, thanks for noticing), and discovered that other people did more than tolerate my company. My prowess with women, however, was the stuff of cautionary tales. I can count all of my college dates on one hand and went the entirety of my college career without a girlfriend. I did, however, join an online text roleplaying game. The game was about 8 or so players (I was the only guy, weirdly enough). It reawakened a creative writing instinct that I had thought high school literature classes had killed.