[M]y tinder hookup wore her [F]acial on the Uber ride home

Last year I was single and very active on tinder. I live in a city whose population is roughly 20% university students, so you can imagine the number of young, horny late-teens and twenty-somethings there are packed into this relatively small area.

One Friday afternoon as I was chilling with some mates, my phone buzzed with that all too satisfying ‘new match’ jingle. I looked at my phone and saw ‘Chloe sent you a message!’. “Wow”, I thought to myself, “no fucking around I see”.

I opened up tinder and was met with something along the lines of;

“heyyyyyyy I like ur hands”.

I thought that was a little odd, as I’d never really been complimented on my hands before, but they were in clear view in my main tinder photo, so I just replied with something corny like “cheers, grew them myself”. She quickly replied with;

“they look like they could fit my whole titties in them”