OK, so picture the scene. I’m 15, and down at a caravan in the Scottish Borders with my family. The caravan park is right on the coast, and there are cliffs and massive rocky outcrops everywhere.
So one day I’m out, pretending I’m fit and healthy, and scrambling around the rocks. Because let’s face it, there’s bugger all else to do. So anyway, I’m clambering around these rocks, when I hear voices. I go into full stealth mode, crawling around to see if I can see where the voices are coming from (imagine Gollum from The Two Towers, only fatter and hairier).
So I find a vantage point, staying close to the cliff wall behind me so I’m not spotted, and I see them. A couple taking photographs. No big deal, until I realise that the woman’s top is on the rocks at the man’s feet. She turns around, and holy shit! What a pair of tits. Needless to say, I’m thinking this’ll be prime wanking material for another time. Then she starts taking her jean shorts off, and I’m instantly hard.